Haunting Memories
Oct. 2nd, 2013 08:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
write_my_dreamsTitle: Haunting Memories
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
write_my_dreams
Pairing: Asagi x Jui, Kisaki x Ruiza
Genre: AU, angst, fluff
Warning/Disclaimer: Mention of violence from Jui's memories. The vampires mentioned do not belong to me but the story and the writing do.
Rating: PG
Chapter(s): 1/1
Summary: Christmas is supposed to be a happy time of year. For Jui, all it does is bring back memories of his darkest day.
Author's Comment: I started this sometime last month and ended up getting stuck. I was able to finish the parts with Asagi this week by writing in between classes. Getting into Jui's head is always interesting. Sad, but interesting. Maybe I'll write a happy story with these two someday.
Walking through Shinjuku during December was like being in a nightmare. Everywhere Jui turned, he saw Christmas decorations. On lampposts, in store windows, the new flavors at Starbucks… there were even lights and a Christmas display up at Shinjuku Station. Jui bit his lip as he and Kisaki passed a store with decorations all over the windows and walls. It was all too much for him. He reached for Kisaki, curling his fingers into the other vampire’s coat sleeve. Jui wanted to hide his face in Kisaki’s chest so he wouldn't have to see the decorations. It wouldn’t work though. They were still there, dragging up memories he wished he could bury.
Kisaki sighed. “I’m sorry, Jui. I had no idea it would be this bad.” He wrapped his arm around Jui’s waist and hugged him against his side.
“It usually is,” Jui said quietly. He wished he didn’t feel this way. Christmas was supposed to be a fun and romantic time of the year. Instead, it brought back memories of hardship for him and Kisaki. The steps that Jui unwittingly took towards his own death had begun on a day much like this. Kisaki had invited Jui to come have coffee and talk with him. They’d walked around with their drinks clasped in their cold hands, looking at the stores as they talked about their plans for the holidays. Then the fateful offer to come back to Kisaki’s apartment and have dinner. A dinner that never happened since they wound up in bed together instead. And then… the day after… Jui swallowed and ducked his head to hide under his hair. He didn’t want to think about what happened that day.
“Jui.” Kisaki gently made him look at him. “Do you want me to take you home? Or to see Asagi?”
“I’m fine,” Jui whispered. He didn’t want to cut his evening with Kisaki short. He’d enjoyed seeing him again and catching up on each other’s lives. Telling him about Asagi, how he made Jui feel safe and comfortable… it was exactly what Kisaki wanted to hear.
Kisaki sighed again. “I know you’re not.” He rubbed Jui’s back, hugging him closer. “I’m sorry,” he said softly. Jui knew Kisaki wasn’t apologizing for taking him out today. He was apologizing for that night four years ago. A part of Kisaki would always blame himself for Jui’s human death, even though Jui constantly reassured him that neither of them were to blame.
Saying such things was easy. Convincing yourself was always the hardest part.
* * *
“Tell Asagi I said hi,” Kisaki said as they reached the building Asagi lived in. “I’d come up and greet him myself but Rui-chan wants me to come home.”
Jui gave him a faint smile. “He sensed you got cookies for him.”
Kisaki snorted as he patted his coat pocket. He’d bought chocolate chip cookies for Ruiza when they stopped at Starbucks to get drinks. “It wouldn’t surprise me. I should enter him in an eating contest one day… he’d love it.”
“Or make himself sick.” Could a vampire eat that much food? Jui wasn’t sure. He adjusted his coat then looked up at the building. He felt the unease returning as he saw Christmas lights in some of the windows. Asagi didn’t seem like the type to decorate for Christmas… Jui hoped he wasn’t into holiday decorations. It’d be too much for him to handle now.
After saying goodbye to Kisaki, Jui headed up to Asagi’s apartment. He froze as he saw a wreath of holly and mistletoe on the door. Asagi was decorating for Christmas? Jui swallowed then raised his head to knock. It’s me, he said, reaching for his lover’s thoughts.
Great! Footsteps, and then Asagi was opening the door. Jui blinked as he saw the black-haired vampire dressed in jeans and a red holiday sweater with silver snowflakes on it. Garland was draped around his arms like a shawl. Jui swallowed again as he saw the Christmas tree in the corner of the living room. He’d clearly interrupted Asagi while decorating.
“Jui! I had no idea you would be coming over. Here, come inside.” Asagi took his hand to pull him inside. He shut the door then embraced Jui. The blonde slowly returned his hug, staring over Asagi’s shoulder with wide eyes. Jui’s murderous boyfriend had loved to decorate for Christmas. He’d been so angry with Jui for sleeping with Kisaki that the living room, fatally close to the kitchen, had been where Jui’s human life had ended. Near the Christmas tree in their apartment.
“Jui?” Asagi gently pushed him out to arms length, giving him a concerned look. “Is something wrong?”
“Sorry,” Jui whispered, looking down. “It’s just… I’ve had a long day. Things are triggering my memories.” He let go of Asagi and clutched his hair as he fought to keep from trembling. He’d thought to escape by coming to see Asagi, but the nightmares had followed him here.
“Oh…” Asagi dropped the garlands and hugged Jui close again. “You’re safe here. It’s okay, nothing can hurt you while you’re with me.” He moved one hand up Jui’s back to stroke his hair. For a few moments, that was all he did. The blonde buried his face in Asagi’s shoulder so he wouldn’t have to see the decorations. “Jui?” the black-haired vampire nuzzled Jui’s hair. “Do you… want to talk about what happened? About the trigger?” They’d agreed to talk about anything that triggered his dark memories.
Jui bit his lip. He did, but he didn’t want Asagi to feel guilty for decorating his apartment. He could already picture his lover casting the holiday decorations a sad, guilty look. “Holidays,” he whispered. Jui clutched the back of Asagi’s sweater. “I-I died. This time of year.” The words left him in a rush, and he closed his eyes as images washed over him. His boyfriend’s decorations, how he’d grabbed Jui by the hair and dragged him to the living room, Christmas lights twinkling above the couch as his boyfriend reminded Jui who he belonged to and how much of a whore he was for sleeping with Kisaki, an aching Jui wrapping himself in a blanket when his boyfriend went to the kitchen… trying to escape from him… and then blood hitting the holiday rug when he slit Jui’s throat.
“Now you can never cheat on me again.”
Tears blurred Jui’s vision as he clung to Asagi, shaking uncontrollably. He relived this nightmare every time he saw Christmas decorations.
Asagi froze then sighed, clutching him tightly. “Oh, Jui… I’m so sorry. I had no idea,” he whispered. He stroked Jui’s hair then gently pushed him back so he could dry his tears. “Seeing all this must be hell for you.” As expected, he cast the decorations a guilty look. His expression made the blonde vampire feel worse. Because of his memories, Asagi blamed himself. Jui didn’t want to make his lover miserable and ruin his holiday spirit.
“T-They remind me… of the past… but I-I don’t want you to take them down.”
Asagi’s eyes widened. “What? Why not? They upset you…” he trailed off, head tilting in confusion. “I don’t understand.”
Jui pulled back and rubbed his arms. “They make you happy though. And I see decorations every time I leave my apartment. I can’t hide from Christmas during December.” He brushed his hair back, biting his lip. “A-And maybe… you could help me see Christmas as a good thing again.”
Asagi still looked uncertain. “I don’t know. Are you sure? I don’t want to be the cause of more pain for you.”
Jui slowly nodded. “Just… please take off the holiday sweater.”
Asagi blinked. “Of course. If it upsets you, I’ll go change.”
“Holiday sweaters look awful on everyone,” Jui blurted, giving his startled lover a sheepish smile. “Sorry. But even you can’t make it work.”
The black-haired vampire glanced down. “I guess you’re right. Atsushi stopped by earlier and pretended to gag when he saw my sweater. He can be so rude sometimes!” Asagi huffed. He took Jui’s hand again and led him to the living room, sitting him down on the couch. “You sit here while I change my shirt. Then we’ll have some tea and we can watch a movie together.”
Jui nodded. “That sounds nice. Please, no holiday movies though.” Accepting Asagi’s decorations had been difficult enough for him. He’d probably have a mental breakdown if he had to sit through a holiday movie.
“I’ll let you pick what we watch.” Asagi kissed his forehead then went to his bedroom.
Jui leaned back against the couch, looking at the decorations. He didn’t know if he would ever be able to see Christmas as a happy time again. But maybe, just maybe, Asagi could help him overcome his holiday trauma.
* * *
Sometime during the movie, Jui had fallen asleep with his head pillowed in Asagi’s lap. The black-haired vampire glanced down at his lover. Sometimes Jui looked so peaceful when he slept. The tragedy that haunted his waking life couldn’t always reach him in his dreams. Asagi combed his fingers through Jui’s hair, sighing softly as he looked at his Christmas decorations. Despite Jui’s words, Asagi was still considering taking them down. He knew they bothered his lover. The holiday decorations were just a brutal reminder of a murder he’d rather forget. Asagi would see how Jui reacted to the decorations when he woke up—see if Jui was still okay with the festivity—then make a decision about what to do with them.
Now though, it was getting late. Asagi gently gathered Jui into his arms and carried him into the bedroom. He laid Jui down, tucking him in before lying down next to him.
It felt as if Asagi had just dozed off when he felt Jui trembling in his sleep. His fingers were curled into Asagi’s shirt, gripping it tightly. Asagi opened his eyes to see his lover’s face creased with anxiety. He stroked Jui’s soft hair in an attempt to comfort him. Whenever Jui had nightmares, Asagi had to fight the temptation to dip into his mind and save him from his dream. He’d done it for Ruiza and Atsushi many times before. Change the course of their dream and protect them from their nightmares. They were far closer and had years of history together, unlike the budding relationship Asagi had with Jui. Entering his dream and seeing the horrors that haunted Jui felt like a gross intrusion. A violation of his trust. Would Jui be angry at him for walking into his dream? Would it damage the relationship they had? These doubts always plagued Asagi. And so, every time Jui had a nightmare, he shook him awake, hugged the blonde close to him, and whispered words of love and comfort while Jui shuddered in his tight embrace.
For now, that was all he could do for Jui.
Notes
1) Still on hiatus from this series, but I was able to finish this up this week.
2) I'm not sure if I have more Asagi x Jui scenes coming up. It'd be nice to write a fluffy fic when Jui's feeling better, but I don't know if I'll do it.
3) Shinjuku Station does get all decked out for Christmas. I was wandering around jetlagged beyond reason and found this beautiful lights display there.
Author:
write_my_dreamsPairing: Asagi x Jui, Kisaki x Ruiza
Genre: AU, angst, fluff
Warning/Disclaimer: Mention of violence from Jui's memories. The vampires mentioned do not belong to me but the story and the writing do.
Rating: PG
Chapter(s): 1/1
Summary: Christmas is supposed to be a happy time of year. For Jui, all it does is bring back memories of his darkest day.
Author's Comment: I started this sometime last month and ended up getting stuck. I was able to finish the parts with Asagi this week by writing in between classes. Getting into Jui's head is always interesting. Sad, but interesting. Maybe I'll write a happy story with these two someday.
Walking through Shinjuku during December was like being in a nightmare. Everywhere Jui turned, he saw Christmas decorations. On lampposts, in store windows, the new flavors at Starbucks… there were even lights and a Christmas display up at Shinjuku Station. Jui bit his lip as he and Kisaki passed a store with decorations all over the windows and walls. It was all too much for him. He reached for Kisaki, curling his fingers into the other vampire’s coat sleeve. Jui wanted to hide his face in Kisaki’s chest so he wouldn't have to see the decorations. It wouldn’t work though. They were still there, dragging up memories he wished he could bury.
Kisaki sighed. “I’m sorry, Jui. I had no idea it would be this bad.” He wrapped his arm around Jui’s waist and hugged him against his side.
“It usually is,” Jui said quietly. He wished he didn’t feel this way. Christmas was supposed to be a fun and romantic time of the year. Instead, it brought back memories of hardship for him and Kisaki. The steps that Jui unwittingly took towards his own death had begun on a day much like this. Kisaki had invited Jui to come have coffee and talk with him. They’d walked around with their drinks clasped in their cold hands, looking at the stores as they talked about their plans for the holidays. Then the fateful offer to come back to Kisaki’s apartment and have dinner. A dinner that never happened since they wound up in bed together instead. And then… the day after… Jui swallowed and ducked his head to hide under his hair. He didn’t want to think about what happened that day.
“Jui.” Kisaki gently made him look at him. “Do you want me to take you home? Or to see Asagi?”
“I’m fine,” Jui whispered. He didn’t want to cut his evening with Kisaki short. He’d enjoyed seeing him again and catching up on each other’s lives. Telling him about Asagi, how he made Jui feel safe and comfortable… it was exactly what Kisaki wanted to hear.
Kisaki sighed again. “I know you’re not.” He rubbed Jui’s back, hugging him closer. “I’m sorry,” he said softly. Jui knew Kisaki wasn’t apologizing for taking him out today. He was apologizing for that night four years ago. A part of Kisaki would always blame himself for Jui’s human death, even though Jui constantly reassured him that neither of them were to blame.
Saying such things was easy. Convincing yourself was always the hardest part.
* * *
“Tell Asagi I said hi,” Kisaki said as they reached the building Asagi lived in. “I’d come up and greet him myself but Rui-chan wants me to come home.”
Jui gave him a faint smile. “He sensed you got cookies for him.”
Kisaki snorted as he patted his coat pocket. He’d bought chocolate chip cookies for Ruiza when they stopped at Starbucks to get drinks. “It wouldn’t surprise me. I should enter him in an eating contest one day… he’d love it.”
“Or make himself sick.” Could a vampire eat that much food? Jui wasn’t sure. He adjusted his coat then looked up at the building. He felt the unease returning as he saw Christmas lights in some of the windows. Asagi didn’t seem like the type to decorate for Christmas… Jui hoped he wasn’t into holiday decorations. It’d be too much for him to handle now.
After saying goodbye to Kisaki, Jui headed up to Asagi’s apartment. He froze as he saw a wreath of holly and mistletoe on the door. Asagi was decorating for Christmas? Jui swallowed then raised his head to knock. It’s me, he said, reaching for his lover’s thoughts.
Great! Footsteps, and then Asagi was opening the door. Jui blinked as he saw the black-haired vampire dressed in jeans and a red holiday sweater with silver snowflakes on it. Garland was draped around his arms like a shawl. Jui swallowed again as he saw the Christmas tree in the corner of the living room. He’d clearly interrupted Asagi while decorating.
“Jui! I had no idea you would be coming over. Here, come inside.” Asagi took his hand to pull him inside. He shut the door then embraced Jui. The blonde slowly returned his hug, staring over Asagi’s shoulder with wide eyes. Jui’s murderous boyfriend had loved to decorate for Christmas. He’d been so angry with Jui for sleeping with Kisaki that the living room, fatally close to the kitchen, had been where Jui’s human life had ended. Near the Christmas tree in their apartment.
“Jui?” Asagi gently pushed him out to arms length, giving him a concerned look. “Is something wrong?”
“Sorry,” Jui whispered, looking down. “It’s just… I’ve had a long day. Things are triggering my memories.” He let go of Asagi and clutched his hair as he fought to keep from trembling. He’d thought to escape by coming to see Asagi, but the nightmares had followed him here.
“Oh…” Asagi dropped the garlands and hugged Jui close again. “You’re safe here. It’s okay, nothing can hurt you while you’re with me.” He moved one hand up Jui’s back to stroke his hair. For a few moments, that was all he did. The blonde buried his face in Asagi’s shoulder so he wouldn’t have to see the decorations. “Jui?” the black-haired vampire nuzzled Jui’s hair. “Do you… want to talk about what happened? About the trigger?” They’d agreed to talk about anything that triggered his dark memories.
Jui bit his lip. He did, but he didn’t want Asagi to feel guilty for decorating his apartment. He could already picture his lover casting the holiday decorations a sad, guilty look. “Holidays,” he whispered. Jui clutched the back of Asagi’s sweater. “I-I died. This time of year.” The words left him in a rush, and he closed his eyes as images washed over him. His boyfriend’s decorations, how he’d grabbed Jui by the hair and dragged him to the living room, Christmas lights twinkling above the couch as his boyfriend reminded Jui who he belonged to and how much of a whore he was for sleeping with Kisaki, an aching Jui wrapping himself in a blanket when his boyfriend went to the kitchen… trying to escape from him… and then blood hitting the holiday rug when he slit Jui’s throat.
“Now you can never cheat on me again.”
Tears blurred Jui’s vision as he clung to Asagi, shaking uncontrollably. He relived this nightmare every time he saw Christmas decorations.
Asagi froze then sighed, clutching him tightly. “Oh, Jui… I’m so sorry. I had no idea,” he whispered. He stroked Jui’s hair then gently pushed him back so he could dry his tears. “Seeing all this must be hell for you.” As expected, he cast the decorations a guilty look. His expression made the blonde vampire feel worse. Because of his memories, Asagi blamed himself. Jui didn’t want to make his lover miserable and ruin his holiday spirit.
“T-They remind me… of the past… but I-I don’t want you to take them down.”
Asagi’s eyes widened. “What? Why not? They upset you…” he trailed off, head tilting in confusion. “I don’t understand.”
Jui pulled back and rubbed his arms. “They make you happy though. And I see decorations every time I leave my apartment. I can’t hide from Christmas during December.” He brushed his hair back, biting his lip. “A-And maybe… you could help me see Christmas as a good thing again.”
Asagi still looked uncertain. “I don’t know. Are you sure? I don’t want to be the cause of more pain for you.”
Jui slowly nodded. “Just… please take off the holiday sweater.”
Asagi blinked. “Of course. If it upsets you, I’ll go change.”
“Holiday sweaters look awful on everyone,” Jui blurted, giving his startled lover a sheepish smile. “Sorry. But even you can’t make it work.”
The black-haired vampire glanced down. “I guess you’re right. Atsushi stopped by earlier and pretended to gag when he saw my sweater. He can be so rude sometimes!” Asagi huffed. He took Jui’s hand again and led him to the living room, sitting him down on the couch. “You sit here while I change my shirt. Then we’ll have some tea and we can watch a movie together.”
Jui nodded. “That sounds nice. Please, no holiday movies though.” Accepting Asagi’s decorations had been difficult enough for him. He’d probably have a mental breakdown if he had to sit through a holiday movie.
“I’ll let you pick what we watch.” Asagi kissed his forehead then went to his bedroom.
Jui leaned back against the couch, looking at the decorations. He didn’t know if he would ever be able to see Christmas as a happy time again. But maybe, just maybe, Asagi could help him overcome his holiday trauma.
* * *
Sometime during the movie, Jui had fallen asleep with his head pillowed in Asagi’s lap. The black-haired vampire glanced down at his lover. Sometimes Jui looked so peaceful when he slept. The tragedy that haunted his waking life couldn’t always reach him in his dreams. Asagi combed his fingers through Jui’s hair, sighing softly as he looked at his Christmas decorations. Despite Jui’s words, Asagi was still considering taking them down. He knew they bothered his lover. The holiday decorations were just a brutal reminder of a murder he’d rather forget. Asagi would see how Jui reacted to the decorations when he woke up—see if Jui was still okay with the festivity—then make a decision about what to do with them.
Now though, it was getting late. Asagi gently gathered Jui into his arms and carried him into the bedroom. He laid Jui down, tucking him in before lying down next to him.
It felt as if Asagi had just dozed off when he felt Jui trembling in his sleep. His fingers were curled into Asagi’s shirt, gripping it tightly. Asagi opened his eyes to see his lover’s face creased with anxiety. He stroked Jui’s soft hair in an attempt to comfort him. Whenever Jui had nightmares, Asagi had to fight the temptation to dip into his mind and save him from his dream. He’d done it for Ruiza and Atsushi many times before. Change the course of their dream and protect them from their nightmares. They were far closer and had years of history together, unlike the budding relationship Asagi had with Jui. Entering his dream and seeing the horrors that haunted Jui felt like a gross intrusion. A violation of his trust. Would Jui be angry at him for walking into his dream? Would it damage the relationship they had? These doubts always plagued Asagi. And so, every time Jui had a nightmare, he shook him awake, hugged the blonde close to him, and whispered words of love and comfort while Jui shuddered in his tight embrace.
For now, that was all he could do for Jui.
Notes
1) Still on hiatus from this series, but I was able to finish this up this week.
2) I'm not sure if I have more Asagi x Jui scenes coming up. It'd be nice to write a fluffy fic when Jui's feeling better, but I don't know if I'll do it.
3) Shinjuku Station does get all decked out for Christmas. I was wandering around jetlagged beyond reason and found this beautiful lights display there.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2013-10-03 02:38 am (UTC)I feel bad for Kisaki too feeling that Jui's murder was his fault and still carrying the guilt but no one could have predicted what Jui's boyfriend was going to do.
How cute that he bought chocolate chip cookies for Ruiza :)
Uhm yeah holiday sweaters! Asagi in snowflakes. What a sight lol I hope he can help Jui through this difficult time, help him to heal, and hopefully one day he'll trust Asagi enough to let him change the course of his nightmares and ease them.
I do like these two together.
no subject
Date: 2013-10-05 05:51 pm (UTC)Kisaki remembers it too when he sees decorations so both of them struggle with Christmas. No, they had no idea. And Kisaki feels so guilty that he wasn't there for Jui.
He knows Ruiza would be grumpy if Kisaki came home without bringing any sweets for him!
Aren't they terrible? I tried to think of a suitably nauseating Christmas sweater. I'm pretty sure Atsushi will come in and Asagi's tacky holiday clothes will mysteriously disappear. He'll do his best to help Jui :)
So do I, I didn't know I'd enjoy writing them so much
no subject
Date: 2013-10-05 05:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-10-03 04:48 pm (UTC)Oh Atsushi really is everywhere lol!
no subject
Date: 2013-10-05 05:53 pm (UTC)Asagi is closest with Atsu and Ruiza. He doesn't feel whole if he doesn't have both of them in his life
no subject
Date: 2013-10-07 01:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-10-11 12:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-10-04 02:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-10-05 05:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-10-05 07:05 pm (UTC)I'm serious, don't you laugh at me. Poor guy truly deserves some comfort.
It is also very interesting that such a fate should be cast upon a vampire, I don't think I've seen this concept before.
and same as always - these two are so nice together <3
actually Ruiza and Kisaki seem interesting as well. I wonder what happened to them as Ruiza is single again in Tsune-timeline...
no subject
Date: 2013-10-05 11:10 pm (UTC)He really does.
I do try to put a different twist on vampires. So many are all doom and gloom about being a vampire. For all of them, it's not really being a vampire that's an issue. It's just Jui's personal history. He's still a very new vampire so it's hard to put his human life behind him.
They are
I do think about showing what Kisaki and Ruiza are like as a couple. It'd be something interesting to try. Jui and Kisaki end up together again. He absolutely adores Asagi but he'll always feel a kind of pull towards Kisaki. Kisaki was there for him at his darkest moment and Asagi's sweet but he can't totally understand or work with Jui because he wasn't there. I don't want them to break up because they're a great couple but Tsune needs to have Asagi XD
no subject
Date: 2013-10-06 08:37 am (UTC)Oh, so that's what's going to happen, huh... Well, Tsune does need Asagi, I agree on that ^^ still I hope these two will spend some quality time toggether before Tsune's turn will come~♥
no subject
Date: 2013-10-11 12:36 pm (UTC)Yup, that's what happens. Tsune... probably wouldn't be alive without Asagi. There's a rather dark twist to how they end up meeting. They'll be happy together before Jui realizes he's in love with Kisaki. They'll all stay friends though. Tsune's not too pleased that Asagi is close to his three gorgeous ex-lovers