Time flies

[write_my_dreams]

It's been almost a month since my last entry. I've done a little writing though it's on scenes or for later stories in the ghost series. I just don't have the creative drive to write lately since I'm still unemployed, still can't get a fucking job, and it's really depressing. What's the point of going to college, taking out thousands upon thousands of dollars in loans, and then being unable to get a job after graduating? I can't even get a fucking retail job. 95% of my applications are ignored, whenever I do get an interview it's quickly met with a rejection. So basically I feel worthless and a huge burden on my parents which makes it difficult for me to write or do anything enjoyable aside from reading Marvel fanfics and watching stuff on Netflix. Which makes me feel worse because I should be jobhunting. Ugh.

Also dealing with my usual issue when I come back from Japan: Do I risk being unhappy with my living situation, school/work, and city just to be back in a country I enjoy? Because of that I've been distancing myself from VK and the fandoms in general. It's not that I'm tired of the music. I love it. I still love my bands. But I don't want to make the same mistakes again so I'm hoping this clears my head somewhat. I don't know.

I've made a goal to finish "To Love a Vampire" this summer. I'm tired of it lurking around my hardrive. I wish I'd finished it already back when I was still so passionate about D and the fandom. I was in Japan when they went on hiatus and that month had basically been a month devoted to D. I went to two lives and two instores, met other D fans. Then they went on hiatus and I was going to Royz and Mejibray lives. Mejibray and Nocturnal Bloodlust are the only bands I'm even interested in writing right now because they're the ones I listen to most. I should just give up on the vampires but there's that end arc I really want to get to. I have four or five one-shots to finish then I can work on the end arc and have that done. There are other characters in the vampire universe to explore... I came up with a backstory for Koichi and Tsuzuku, MiA and Hakuei have their story that I started writing. Subaru and Ryoga are supposed to show up. I just don't know if I'll get to it or not.

The ghost series is something I've been struggling with. The part I'm working on now is taking me a while to piece together and fix up and I'm still working on ideas for the next part of the series. I'm thinking I'll just wait until each arc is finished then do a weekly posting so that gives me some time to catch up on the next part. I have the timeline for that one planned, there are three arcs and I have my ending figured out. I've written it in my head plenty of times and will problably put it to keyboard soon enough.

Anyway, just a bunch of rambling. Once I can fix my stupid life I hope to be around more. Finish my last two big projects with fanfic before I quit like I've been telling myself I'll do for years. After To Love a Vampire and Paranormal Case Files, no more from me. I've got original work calling me. I only started doing fanfic because I had severe writer's block anyway. 

Comments

[pigurou.livejournal.com]

Hi, you might not know me since I rarely comment on your stories, but then I also rarely read any stories these days. So when I see your struggle I feel like I want to replay back since I also through a hard time like yours. Its also quite hard for me to get job since the number of unemployment in my country also very large. And I experience that even when I already finish my collage so its like I don't know what to do with my life anymore.

But then a couple years ago I found the solution through online work, most people do not know about this or they feel a lot of doubt from this kind of job. I don't mean about the survey or ppc kind of thing since I also doubt that kind of thing will give enough income for me to live.

The work that I'm talking about is online writing job, and since you like writing I think its a good job for you to try. There are a lot of people who are willing to buy the article that you write, but of course you need to learn more about the requirement since you need to follow several rules to write, so if you have time try to search and learn about this. There are also a lot of forum where online writers and buyers gather around and do some deals. You can also try to learn in these forums.

Hope that can give you idea, and if that is not your way to deal with your problem I'm sure there will be your own way to deal with it. Keep trying and sorry for my bad English, its not my first language :)

[write_my_dreams]

I feel like you're a reader from the days I wrote Gackt and Hyde judging by your icon. That sucks that you were in the same situation... high unemployment and a degree is meanginless.

I know there's freelance work but I'm skeptical of them since that's not much money and it's not reliable. I've been meaning to look into it though.

Don't worry about it. I could understand you just fine.

[pigurou.livejournal.com]

Maybe lol but I don't really have time to read now.

I know its not much, but if you do a few freelance works a day then you can at least survive, that's how I support my life now, and its better than getting nothing. I don't know maybe I give up too soon to get a real job or something.
But it will be hard to do lots of jobs if you still have collage to do, I don't know it seems collage doesn't really matter right now since you cant get job only with a degree unless you are in the top of your class. There are some people who even has master degree but cant get proper job, its devastating really.

[kyoselflove.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling. I've been unemployed for three years, gave up and decided to just be a stay at home mom. But I'm a college drop out hah. I've come to realize college doesn't matter unless you are trying to be a medical assistant, since they always have job openings.

The person above talked about writing jobs online, I did that for awhile and began to hate writing, so just be warned lol.

I'm sad that you are going to stop writing fan fiction ;___; But I would love to read your original writing....would you be posting it here?

Good luck <3

[write_my_dreams]

You have a difficult job then XD Too bad it doesn't pay. I fed into the lie that a college degree means a job and a better future. It just means you're in a shit load of debt and can't get a job anyway since you don't have 10 years of experience in whatever field.

I guess it depends on the type of writing it would require but yeah would suck to end up writing professionally and then hating it.

I almost quit last year. Then I moved to Japan and that was inspiring for a while. I'm not sure if I want to put my original work out in the public domain. Publishing is something I consider and publishers frown on work being posted to blogs.. so it's something I'll have to think about. Plus LJ is so dead it seems kind of pointless

[kyoselflove.livejournal.com]

Yeah, experience is everything. That's why I did a lot of volunteer work and interning. Still did me no good, lol, granted I live in the middle of nowhere.

Ah, true. I post my original work to fiction press and AO3 because I don't think I would ever be good enough to publish plus I thrive on feedback. Maybe if I ever finish them I could remove them and then self publish or something but doubt it.

<3

[write_my_dreams]

I can't afford to work for free so that's a route that's closed to me. Ugh, that's horrible. I live in suburbia and the closest proper city that might have jobs for me is about 40 minutes away. I live 20 minutes from Michigan's capitol but eh... I hardly expect to find anything here.

Oh? I thought AO3 was just for fanfiction.. interesting. Aw, I'm sure you'd be fine :) Garbage like 50 shades of grey got published and you could write better sex scenes in your sleep. That's an option to consider :) I have the first drafts for two novels completed so it's a matter of deciding which to work on first. Then I have ideas for two other novels but we'll see if it happens with those.

[kyoselflove.livejournal.com]

I understand that. The closest city to me is about 2 hours. Ahhh, yeah I have heard it's really bad in Michigan.

Yup, this tag, http://archiveofourown.org/tags/Original%20Work/works

Haha, I haven't read 50 shades of grey but have heard how horrible it is. That would be really awesome to get something published, so good luck with those!