A Soldier's Dream: 10/12
Nov. 14th, 2011 11:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
write_my_dreamsTitle: A Soldier's Dream
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
write_my_dreams
Pairing: Gackt x Hyde (Dream only: Tetsu x Hyde)
Genre: AU
Warning/Disclaimer: Nothing to warn about. All members of GacktJOB or L’Arc belong to themselves.
Rating: PG
Chapters: 10/12
Summary: After guest starring for VAMPS, the costumes Gackt and Hyde wore haunt Gackt in his sleep and inspire a vivid dream.
Author's Comment: This was a chapter I’d been looking forward to writing for a long time since Gackt finds out what happened to Tetsu and why he left. Originally, I had him just talking about Tetsu, but that conversations with You at the beginning and end of the chapter were too important to be left out. I’m glad I wrote them in. There’s only one more chapter of the dream left!
“Will you help me in Mayfield?” Gackt asked You as they waited for the bus to come and take them off base. It was their first free day in the three weeks that they’d been here. They’d been kept busy with their new lives in the capital – protecting the city from attacks, helping the citizens clean up after an airstrike, fighting the enemy… although he hadn’t had to go into combat zones as much as he’d thought he would. It gave him hope that the war would end soon and he’d be able to see his family again.
You sighed. “No, Gackt. I accept that you trust and care about Hyde… but I can’t help you with your obsession anymore.”
Gackt frowned at You’s wording. He didn’t like it when You referred to Hyde as an “obsession” since it degraded his cause. “Don’t call him an obsession.”
“All right, I won’t.” You smiled faintly at the surprised look on Gackt’s face. You never gave in this easily when Hyde was the root of their argument. “I don’t want to fight with you anymore, Gackt. You’re too important to risk losing because we disagree about Hyde. You feel safe with him despite what I believe and as I said, I don’t want to fight again so I don’t want to talk about the difference in our opinions.”
“I don’t want to fight either.”
“Good.”
Gackt studied You. He had agreed that they wouldn’t fight about Hyde anymore, but he hadn’t changed his mind about the ghost. “You’re still worried about me.”
“I am.”
“Why?”
“Because I know how much Hyde means to you.”
That was unexpected. “You, I-”
“I know. Hyde’s made you happier and I’m glad he has, but not knowing what you’ll do after Hyde leaves is what worries me. How are you going to handle not having him here anymore?”
“I don’t know,” Gackt said. “I’ll be sad when Hyde leaves since I’ll miss him, but at the same time I’ll be happy since this is what he wants. It’s going to be a bittersweet moment.” He was glad that You was now saying when and not if and that he’d stopped criticizing Hyde. His best friend and the ghost were both so important to him. He couldn’t handle one speaking poorly of the other.
You frowned. “Don’t invest so much of your heart in Hyde that you don’t know how you’ll handle him being gone. We still have a war to win… and you have to think about what you’ll do if you can’t free his spirit. Hyde attached himself to that clearing because he had his life ripped away from him and was lonely. You’ve ended his loneliness, but you don’t know what you’re going to find out about Tetsu in Mayfield. What if Tetsu moved on from him completely, had a happy life with Ayana, and never thought about Hyde again?”
“Tetsu wouldn’t do that,” Gackt said.
“How do you know? You’ve never seen him and you barely know anything about him.”
“I don’t think he’s the type of person who would do that.”
“But he abandoned Hyde,” You reminded.
“I know he did. I’ll find out his reasoning in Mayfield.”
“Don’t get your hopes up,” You said. “You don’t know if Tetsu is still in Mayfield or not. What are you going to do if there’s no record of him?”
Gackt winced. “I don’t want to think about it.”
You shook his head. “You’d better start thinking about it since it could be true.” He looked up as he saw the bus approaching and joined the other soldiers in line to get on the bus. Gackt followed him and waited until they were inside and had taken seats in the back before replying.
“I’ll handle that when the time comes.”
You turned to him. “Short of tying you up, I know I can’t stop you from seeing Hyde so promise me that you’ll be careful, okay?”
Gackt sighed. “How many times have I promised you that?”
“Just listen to me.” You lowered his voice as other soldiers took seats near them. “You talk about Hyde differently now than you did when you first met him. You can’t get too attached to him, Gackt. Hyde is dead. You’re not. He can’t be with you if you end up falling in love with him.”
The soldier was caught off guard by You’s words. In love with Hyde? He cared deeply about the ghost and viewed him as a close friend, but hadn’t considered his changing feelings to be those of love.
“There’s even a different light in your eyes when you talk about him. I’ve known you since we were five and I can tell you that that’s only happened with a handful of people.”
“You…” Gackt frowned as he thought about his time with Hyde. How happy he was when he was with the ghost, how seeing Hyde’s smile could make him feel better no matter how stressed or exhausted he was. How he and Hyde had tried to touch each other the last time they’d been to Hyde’s clearing. How the ghost had warmed his heart when he’d walked Gackt to the edge of the forest and how badly he’d wanted to embrace him since he didn’t know when he would see him again. How more and more Hyde filled his dreams. Sometimes the dreams were his usual nightmare about the clearing burning and being unable to see Hyde ever again, but he had pleasant dreams as well. Dreams where he was just sitting in Hyde’s clearing and talking to him about everyday things. He’d even dreamt of taking Hyde to his hometown and walking with him on the beach as Hyde held his skirts so they wouldn’t get dirty in the sand. The dream had been a little ridiculous since it was impossible for Hyde to be there, but Gackt had enjoyed it anyway since Hyde had loved the beach and had been so happy to see another part of the world besides the clearing he died in.
“Gackt?” You was looking worried again since he’d been silent for too long.
“What?”
“Talk to me about Hyde.”
Gackt smiled faintly. “Usually you discourage me from talking about him.”
“I want to talk about him now though. Are you in love with Hyde or aren’t you?”
Gackt couldn’t meet You’s eyes and looked out the window instead. He never had a problem talking to You about who he was or wasn’t in love with. But this… this was different. You’s words about love had shocked him and he needed to do some soul searching. Were his feelings for Hyde love? His feelings went deeper than ordinary friendship, but had he crossed the over the bridge to love?
“Gackt.” You laid a hand on his shoulder. “Talk to me, please.”
“I need to think first,” Gackt said. “I’ll try to answer your question when I get back from Mayfield.”
“All right… I’ll ask you again tonight.”
Gackt changed the subject. “Where are you getting off since you’re not coming to Mayfield with me?”
“Jun-ji and I are getting off at the first stop. You’ll have plenty of time to think once I’m gone.” It was still a twenty-minute drive to Mayfield from the first town.
“I’ll need it.”
You nodded and they were silent after that, each lost in their own thoughts. You got up as the bus stopped. “I’ll see you tonight.”
“Hopefully I’ll have answers about Tetsu,” Gackt said.
“And an answer to my question.”
Gackt looked out the window again. “Have a good time with Jun-ji.”
“I will.” You left the bus, leaving Gackt alone with his thoughts.
* * *
Gackt stepped off the bus as he reached Mayfield, looking for a church since that was the most likely place to find a cemetery. He saw one a few streets away. Gackt shouldered his bag and headed towards the church. Just as he’d expected, the cemetery was behind the building. He stepped through the gates and stopped abruptly, feeling overwhelmed as he saw the number of graves. Mayfield was much larger than the small town Hyde had lived and died in. It would be even harder to find Tetsu’s grave now that You was no longer willing to help him.
The soldier started walking through the lines of graves, passing by row after row of stones from the 16 and 1700’s. He ignored graves from the early 1800’s as well as he searched for tombstones after the year Hyde had died. Gackt had no idea if Tetsu was alive or dead and wondered if he was on a wild goose chase by searching the cemetery. Medical technology was constantly improving and enabled people to live longer. Still, Gackt had a feeling that Tetsu was dead. He lost track of how long he wandered between the lines of graves, constantly searching for Ogawa Tetsu. If he didn’t find the grave today, he might have to come back on his next free day and continue to search since there were still so many gravestones to look at.
Gackt continued walking through the lines of graves and almost missed Tetsu’s since he was so used to disappointment. He stopped as he caught the name “Ogawa” and backtracked. Tetsu and Ayana’s names were etched into the stone along with their dates of birth and death. Ayana had died three years ago while Tetsu had died seven years before her. Their grave had been recently tended to since the miniature pine trees next to it had been neatly trimmed, there were flowers in a large vase, and incense sticks in front of the stone. Gackt couldn’t feel any trace of a spiritual presence here. Abandoning Hyde hadn’t been enough to keep Tetsu’s soul on this earth apparently.
“I doubt you can hear me, but I have a message for you. Hyde forgives you for falling in love with Ayana. Everyone needs to move on from a former lover at some point in their life… but that’s no excuse for abandoning him. He hasn’t forgiven you for leaving him and I don’t know if he ever will.”
“Who are you?” Gackt started at the question and turned to see a middle-aged man standing nearby holding a bouquet of flowers. He looked similar to Tetsu from his wedding photo, only older. His son then.
“My name is Gackt. I’m a soldier in the army.”
“Did you know my father?”
“No, I never met him.”
“Then why were you talking to my parents’ grave?”
Gackt chose his next words carefully since he didn’t want to sound crazy. “I’m here because of Hyde.”
Tetsu’s son started and almost dropped the flowers. “Which one?”
Gackt frowned. “What do you mean?” He hadn’t known there was more than one Hyde in Tetsu’s life.
“My name is Hyde. My father said that my namesake was a man he loved more than anyone, but he was murdered. He named me after Hyde when I was born.”
“I’m here because of your namesake.”
Now it was Hyde’s turn to look confused. “What do you mean? Hyde’s been dead for sixty years… how can you be here because of him?”
Gackt hesitated, wondering if honesty was the best way to respond. “I… can see spirits and I’ve spoken with his ghost. I know it sounds crazy,” he said flatly as he saw the look on Hyde’s face. “But I’m not lying or imagining things.”
Hyde frowned. “I guess you wouldn’t be allowed to stay in the army if you were insane.” He laid the flowers at his parents’ grave and straightened. “How can you… see spirits?”
“I nearly drowned when I was seven. I went swimming in the ocean, but the current was too strong for me. I wasn’t breathing when I was pulled back to shore. I’ve been able to see the dead ever since that day.”
Hyde still looked unconvinced. “Tell me what Hyde looked like.”
“Hyde wears a ripped, blood-stained wedding gown and a wig of blonde curls. He has a crown of lace atop his head with the veil over his hair and wears a pearl necklace. He wore this outfit so he could marry your father.”
Hyde’s eyes widened. “What does he want?”
“Peace,” Gackt said simply. “He’s haunted the clearing he died in for the last sixty years. All he wants is to move on. If you’re still skeptical, I have a friend who has seen him too. Before this war, You couldn’t see spirits. One day he was shot and didn’t wake up after the surgery in time. I took You to the clearing where Hyde died and he was able to see him. That’s the first time that You has ever seen a ghost.”
Hyde looked at his father’s grave. “I’ve seen photos of Hyde and heard about the night he died. I think you’re telling the truth. Those details aren’t something a person can just make up.”
Gackt sighed in relief, grateful that Tetsu’s son believed him. “I need to know your father’s side of the story now.” He told Hyde what he’d found in the articles. “Tetsu married Ayana and moved here, but why didn’t he come back to see Hyde? I don’t understand how he could have abandoned him when he loved Hyde so much.”
Hyde rubbed the back of his neck. “I think it’s best if you come home with me so I can show you some of my father’s things.”
“All right.” Gackt followed the older man out of the cemetery. His car was parked out on the street and he unlocked the door for Gackt. The soldier got inside and buckled his seatbelt while Hyde started the car.
“How long have you been in this war, soldier?”
“Almost four years,” Gackt said, watching the town through the window. “I can only hope it ends soon.”
“Me too.” Hyde was silent for a few minutes before speaking again. “Did you see my father’s spirit?”
“No, I didn’t feel any trace of a spiritual presence at your parents’ grave.”
“I’m glad they moved on instead of lingering.”
“I hope Hyde can do the same.”
“He’s really been there for sixty years?”
“Yes. He’s been alone for so long… it’s time he was able to leave this world.”
“Let’s hope he can.” Hyde parked in the driveway of a small, old-fashioned house and shut off the engine. “This is where I grew up with my parents. I inherited the place after they died.” He led Gackt inside and offered him a seat on the couch on the living room. “Let me get some of his things.”
“All right.” Gackt studied the house while he waited, noticing pictures of Tetsu and Ayana together and another of Hyde with a woman. His wife, perhaps? Or ex-wife since he hadn’t noticed a wedding band on the man’s finger.
“Here they are.” Hyde returned with a box and sat down on the couch next to Hyde. “These are all connected to my namesake.” He took the lid off the box and pulled out some old photos of Tetsu and Hyde together. Gackt didn’t recognize Hyde at first since he was so used to seeing the ghost dressed as a bride, but all these photos were of Hyde as a man – except for one photo taken in the church after their wedding. Both were smiling, holding hands and looking so in love with each other. Tetsu either held Hyde’s hand or had his arms around him in most of the pictures and they were always smiling. “He tried to move on with his life after he lost Hyde, but he could never stop loving him. He loved my mother too, but Hyde had his heart up until the day he died.”
“Why did he never go back?”
“Part of him was ashamed for breaking his promise to Hyde and leaving. Then four years after he moved to Mayfield, I was born. My father didn’t want to leave his wife and baby behind to make a visit to the past. Once I was older, he could have gone back… but the shame had set in and he couldn’t face Hyde’s grave again.”
Gackt frowned as he returned the pictures to Hyde. What a terrible excuse. “He needn’t have been ashamed. Hyde asked me to tell Tetsu that he’s forgiven him for falling in love again.” The ghost would be crushed when he found out that Tetsu had been too ashamed to face him again.
“That would make him happy, but it’s too late to tell my father now.” Hyde replaced the photos on the box then removed a sheet of paper and an official document that looked like a will. “He wrote this poem for Hyde the week before he died. He has more poems that he’s written to Hyde throughout his life, but he wanted to be buried with the volume he collected them in.”
Gackt took the poem and read through it[1]. He’d always thought poetry was beautiful and this poem was no exception. It captured Tetsu’s feelings towards Hyde so well and he knew the ghost would be touched by his love’s devotion to him. “It’s beautiful.”
“He really loved Hyde.” Tetsu’s son sighed as he looked down at the will. “He wanted me to take that poem to Hyde’s grave since he didn’t have the health to go himself. He wanted me to leave it there…”
“Why didn’t you?” Gackt asked. If his father had been on his death bed and asked him to do something for him, Gackt would have moved the world to do it. A person’s dying wish wasn’t something to be ignored.
Hyde shrugged. “I’ve never left Mayfield before and I didn’t see the point of going out of my way to leave something at a grave.”
“Your namesake would have been happy to have the company. The news would have hurt him, but he would have been happy to find out what happened to Tetsu. You should have honored your father’s wishes,” Gackt scolded.
“Be angry at my mother then. After he died, he wanted his body to be buried next to Hyde so they could be together forever in death.”
“Ayana didn’t want that?”
Hyde shook his head. “No, she didn’t want to lose her husband so she had him buried here… and joined him a few years later.”
Gackt frowned. In the end, Tetsu had tried to make up for the years of abandonment, but his family had been selfish and refused to help him. Life was so unfair.
“Will you go back to Hyde’s grave and tell him what happened?” Hyde asked. “And please, read this poem and the will to him.”
“I will.”
“Thank you.”
“Is there anything else I should bring to Hyde?”
“No… the poem, an apology, and his eternal company were the only things my father wanted to give to Hyde.” The older man placed the lid back on the box and looked up at Gackt. “Will you tell Hyde how sorry I am for never following my father’s wishes? A part of me has always regretted it since he looked so happy when I told him I’d go to Hyde’s grave. He looked like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders since he knew that someone would see Hyde again and give him the truth.”
“I’ll tell him.” Gackt stood, and Hyde gave him a small bag to carry the poem and the will.
“Thank you,” Hyde said again.
“You’re welcome.” Gackt closed the door behind him as he left the house. He had the will, the poem, and the knowledge that Tetsu had loved Hyde until the day he died. This was what Hyde needed to know so he could leave this world behind.
All he could do now was wait for another transfer so he could free Hyde. But until then, he had You’s question that he needed to answer. “Are you in love with him or aren’t you?” He’d thought about his feelings towards Hyde on the bus ride to Mayfield and needed more time to think about the ghost before he could answer You’s question. Love was a complicated emotion. It wasn’t easy to figure out one’s feelings in a matter of minutes.
* * *
Gackt stepped off the bus and found You waiting for him. “Did you find anything about Tetsu?”
“I did.” Gackt led You out of earshot from the other soldiers at the bus stop. He told You how he’d found the grave and delivered Hyde’s message, then met the other Hyde and gone home with him to learn about Tetsu. Gackt opened his bag, taking out the poem and will and showing them to You. “Tetsu loved Hyde until the day he died and didn’t go back to see him because he was ashamed that he’d abandoned Hyde.”
“What a horrible excuse,” You said, returning the copies to him.
“His family refused to honor his dying wish as well,” Gackt sighed. “He wanted his son to take this poem to Hyde’s grave and read it to him… and Tetsu wanted to be buried next to Hyde so he could be with him forever.”
“That’s terrible!”
“I know. Hyde will be so upset when I tell him.”
You frowned at the mention of Hyde. “Do you have an answer to my question?”
“Yes,” Gackt said simply. After he’d left Hyde’s house, he’d gone to the park so he could be alone with his thoughts. He’d realized that yes, he was in love with Hyde. He knew that this was the type of love that would only hurt him since it was physically impossible for him to be in a relationship with Hyde and losing Hyde would cause him heartache, but he would rather suffer heartache than have Hyde be trapped here for even longer.
You sighed. “I was afraid you’d say that.”
“I know.”
“What are you going to do?”
“There’s little I can do. I’m going to go back to Hyde as soon as I have the chance and tell him all about Tetsu. If that’s enough to make him finally rest in peace, then I’ll be happy for him. Losing him will hurt… but it’s for the best. And although I won’t forget Hyde, there are other people in this world that I can love.” It would be hard to move on from Hyde since they would have been so good for each other if the ghost had been alive. Falling in love with Hyde had been easy since their personalities had just clicked with each other.
It would be very difficult to find someone he loved as much as he loved Hyde.
Notes
[1] I'm horrible at writing poetry, but that's not the reason I didn't write out the poem in this chapter. Gackt is going to read it to Hyde in Chapter 11 and I didn't want to be repeating myself with the poem.
Author:
write_my_dreamsPairing: Gackt x Hyde (Dream only: Tetsu x Hyde)
Genre: AU
Warning/Disclaimer: Nothing to warn about. All members of GacktJOB or L’Arc belong to themselves.
Rating: PG
Chapters: 10/12
Summary: After guest starring for VAMPS, the costumes Gackt and Hyde wore haunt Gackt in his sleep and inspire a vivid dream.
Author's Comment: This was a chapter I’d been looking forward to writing for a long time since Gackt finds out what happened to Tetsu and why he left. Originally, I had him just talking about Tetsu, but that conversations with You at the beginning and end of the chapter were too important to be left out. I’m glad I wrote them in. There’s only one more chapter of the dream left!
“Will you help me in Mayfield?” Gackt asked You as they waited for the bus to come and take them off base. It was their first free day in the three weeks that they’d been here. They’d been kept busy with their new lives in the capital – protecting the city from attacks, helping the citizens clean up after an airstrike, fighting the enemy… although he hadn’t had to go into combat zones as much as he’d thought he would. It gave him hope that the war would end soon and he’d be able to see his family again.
You sighed. “No, Gackt. I accept that you trust and care about Hyde… but I can’t help you with your obsession anymore.”
Gackt frowned at You’s wording. He didn’t like it when You referred to Hyde as an “obsession” since it degraded his cause. “Don’t call him an obsession.”
“All right, I won’t.” You smiled faintly at the surprised look on Gackt’s face. You never gave in this easily when Hyde was the root of their argument. “I don’t want to fight with you anymore, Gackt. You’re too important to risk losing because we disagree about Hyde. You feel safe with him despite what I believe and as I said, I don’t want to fight again so I don’t want to talk about the difference in our opinions.”
“I don’t want to fight either.”
“Good.”
Gackt studied You. He had agreed that they wouldn’t fight about Hyde anymore, but he hadn’t changed his mind about the ghost. “You’re still worried about me.”
“I am.”
“Why?”
“Because I know how much Hyde means to you.”
That was unexpected. “You, I-”
“I know. Hyde’s made you happier and I’m glad he has, but not knowing what you’ll do after Hyde leaves is what worries me. How are you going to handle not having him here anymore?”
“I don’t know,” Gackt said. “I’ll be sad when Hyde leaves since I’ll miss him, but at the same time I’ll be happy since this is what he wants. It’s going to be a bittersweet moment.” He was glad that You was now saying when and not if and that he’d stopped criticizing Hyde. His best friend and the ghost were both so important to him. He couldn’t handle one speaking poorly of the other.
You frowned. “Don’t invest so much of your heart in Hyde that you don’t know how you’ll handle him being gone. We still have a war to win… and you have to think about what you’ll do if you can’t free his spirit. Hyde attached himself to that clearing because he had his life ripped away from him and was lonely. You’ve ended his loneliness, but you don’t know what you’re going to find out about Tetsu in Mayfield. What if Tetsu moved on from him completely, had a happy life with Ayana, and never thought about Hyde again?”
“Tetsu wouldn’t do that,” Gackt said.
“How do you know? You’ve never seen him and you barely know anything about him.”
“I don’t think he’s the type of person who would do that.”
“But he abandoned Hyde,” You reminded.
“I know he did. I’ll find out his reasoning in Mayfield.”
“Don’t get your hopes up,” You said. “You don’t know if Tetsu is still in Mayfield or not. What are you going to do if there’s no record of him?”
Gackt winced. “I don’t want to think about it.”
You shook his head. “You’d better start thinking about it since it could be true.” He looked up as he saw the bus approaching and joined the other soldiers in line to get on the bus. Gackt followed him and waited until they were inside and had taken seats in the back before replying.
“I’ll handle that when the time comes.”
You turned to him. “Short of tying you up, I know I can’t stop you from seeing Hyde so promise me that you’ll be careful, okay?”
Gackt sighed. “How many times have I promised you that?”
“Just listen to me.” You lowered his voice as other soldiers took seats near them. “You talk about Hyde differently now than you did when you first met him. You can’t get too attached to him, Gackt. Hyde is dead. You’re not. He can’t be with you if you end up falling in love with him.”
The soldier was caught off guard by You’s words. In love with Hyde? He cared deeply about the ghost and viewed him as a close friend, but hadn’t considered his changing feelings to be those of love.
“There’s even a different light in your eyes when you talk about him. I’ve known you since we were five and I can tell you that that’s only happened with a handful of people.”
“You…” Gackt frowned as he thought about his time with Hyde. How happy he was when he was with the ghost, how seeing Hyde’s smile could make him feel better no matter how stressed or exhausted he was. How he and Hyde had tried to touch each other the last time they’d been to Hyde’s clearing. How the ghost had warmed his heart when he’d walked Gackt to the edge of the forest and how badly he’d wanted to embrace him since he didn’t know when he would see him again. How more and more Hyde filled his dreams. Sometimes the dreams were his usual nightmare about the clearing burning and being unable to see Hyde ever again, but he had pleasant dreams as well. Dreams where he was just sitting in Hyde’s clearing and talking to him about everyday things. He’d even dreamt of taking Hyde to his hometown and walking with him on the beach as Hyde held his skirts so they wouldn’t get dirty in the sand. The dream had been a little ridiculous since it was impossible for Hyde to be there, but Gackt had enjoyed it anyway since Hyde had loved the beach and had been so happy to see another part of the world besides the clearing he died in.
“Gackt?” You was looking worried again since he’d been silent for too long.
“What?”
“Talk to me about Hyde.”
Gackt smiled faintly. “Usually you discourage me from talking about him.”
“I want to talk about him now though. Are you in love with Hyde or aren’t you?”
Gackt couldn’t meet You’s eyes and looked out the window instead. He never had a problem talking to You about who he was or wasn’t in love with. But this… this was different. You’s words about love had shocked him and he needed to do some soul searching. Were his feelings for Hyde love? His feelings went deeper than ordinary friendship, but had he crossed the over the bridge to love?
“Gackt.” You laid a hand on his shoulder. “Talk to me, please.”
“I need to think first,” Gackt said. “I’ll try to answer your question when I get back from Mayfield.”
“All right… I’ll ask you again tonight.”
Gackt changed the subject. “Where are you getting off since you’re not coming to Mayfield with me?”
“Jun-ji and I are getting off at the first stop. You’ll have plenty of time to think once I’m gone.” It was still a twenty-minute drive to Mayfield from the first town.
“I’ll need it.”
You nodded and they were silent after that, each lost in their own thoughts. You got up as the bus stopped. “I’ll see you tonight.”
“Hopefully I’ll have answers about Tetsu,” Gackt said.
“And an answer to my question.”
Gackt looked out the window again. “Have a good time with Jun-ji.”
“I will.” You left the bus, leaving Gackt alone with his thoughts.
* * *
Gackt stepped off the bus as he reached Mayfield, looking for a church since that was the most likely place to find a cemetery. He saw one a few streets away. Gackt shouldered his bag and headed towards the church. Just as he’d expected, the cemetery was behind the building. He stepped through the gates and stopped abruptly, feeling overwhelmed as he saw the number of graves. Mayfield was much larger than the small town Hyde had lived and died in. It would be even harder to find Tetsu’s grave now that You was no longer willing to help him.
The soldier started walking through the lines of graves, passing by row after row of stones from the 16 and 1700’s. He ignored graves from the early 1800’s as well as he searched for tombstones after the year Hyde had died. Gackt had no idea if Tetsu was alive or dead and wondered if he was on a wild goose chase by searching the cemetery. Medical technology was constantly improving and enabled people to live longer. Still, Gackt had a feeling that Tetsu was dead. He lost track of how long he wandered between the lines of graves, constantly searching for Ogawa Tetsu. If he didn’t find the grave today, he might have to come back on his next free day and continue to search since there were still so many gravestones to look at.
Gackt continued walking through the lines of graves and almost missed Tetsu’s since he was so used to disappointment. He stopped as he caught the name “Ogawa” and backtracked. Tetsu and Ayana’s names were etched into the stone along with their dates of birth and death. Ayana had died three years ago while Tetsu had died seven years before her. Their grave had been recently tended to since the miniature pine trees next to it had been neatly trimmed, there were flowers in a large vase, and incense sticks in front of the stone. Gackt couldn’t feel any trace of a spiritual presence here. Abandoning Hyde hadn’t been enough to keep Tetsu’s soul on this earth apparently.
“I doubt you can hear me, but I have a message for you. Hyde forgives you for falling in love with Ayana. Everyone needs to move on from a former lover at some point in their life… but that’s no excuse for abandoning him. He hasn’t forgiven you for leaving him and I don’t know if he ever will.”
“Who are you?” Gackt started at the question and turned to see a middle-aged man standing nearby holding a bouquet of flowers. He looked similar to Tetsu from his wedding photo, only older. His son then.
“My name is Gackt. I’m a soldier in the army.”
“Did you know my father?”
“No, I never met him.”
“Then why were you talking to my parents’ grave?”
Gackt chose his next words carefully since he didn’t want to sound crazy. “I’m here because of Hyde.”
Tetsu’s son started and almost dropped the flowers. “Which one?”
Gackt frowned. “What do you mean?” He hadn’t known there was more than one Hyde in Tetsu’s life.
“My name is Hyde. My father said that my namesake was a man he loved more than anyone, but he was murdered. He named me after Hyde when I was born.”
“I’m here because of your namesake.”
Now it was Hyde’s turn to look confused. “What do you mean? Hyde’s been dead for sixty years… how can you be here because of him?”
Gackt hesitated, wondering if honesty was the best way to respond. “I… can see spirits and I’ve spoken with his ghost. I know it sounds crazy,” he said flatly as he saw the look on Hyde’s face. “But I’m not lying or imagining things.”
Hyde frowned. “I guess you wouldn’t be allowed to stay in the army if you were insane.” He laid the flowers at his parents’ grave and straightened. “How can you… see spirits?”
“I nearly drowned when I was seven. I went swimming in the ocean, but the current was too strong for me. I wasn’t breathing when I was pulled back to shore. I’ve been able to see the dead ever since that day.”
Hyde still looked unconvinced. “Tell me what Hyde looked like.”
“Hyde wears a ripped, blood-stained wedding gown and a wig of blonde curls. He has a crown of lace atop his head with the veil over his hair and wears a pearl necklace. He wore this outfit so he could marry your father.”
Hyde’s eyes widened. “What does he want?”
“Peace,” Gackt said simply. “He’s haunted the clearing he died in for the last sixty years. All he wants is to move on. If you’re still skeptical, I have a friend who has seen him too. Before this war, You couldn’t see spirits. One day he was shot and didn’t wake up after the surgery in time. I took You to the clearing where Hyde died and he was able to see him. That’s the first time that You has ever seen a ghost.”
Hyde looked at his father’s grave. “I’ve seen photos of Hyde and heard about the night he died. I think you’re telling the truth. Those details aren’t something a person can just make up.”
Gackt sighed in relief, grateful that Tetsu’s son believed him. “I need to know your father’s side of the story now.” He told Hyde what he’d found in the articles. “Tetsu married Ayana and moved here, but why didn’t he come back to see Hyde? I don’t understand how he could have abandoned him when he loved Hyde so much.”
Hyde rubbed the back of his neck. “I think it’s best if you come home with me so I can show you some of my father’s things.”
“All right.” Gackt followed the older man out of the cemetery. His car was parked out on the street and he unlocked the door for Gackt. The soldier got inside and buckled his seatbelt while Hyde started the car.
“How long have you been in this war, soldier?”
“Almost four years,” Gackt said, watching the town through the window. “I can only hope it ends soon.”
“Me too.” Hyde was silent for a few minutes before speaking again. “Did you see my father’s spirit?”
“No, I didn’t feel any trace of a spiritual presence at your parents’ grave.”
“I’m glad they moved on instead of lingering.”
“I hope Hyde can do the same.”
“He’s really been there for sixty years?”
“Yes. He’s been alone for so long… it’s time he was able to leave this world.”
“Let’s hope he can.” Hyde parked in the driveway of a small, old-fashioned house and shut off the engine. “This is where I grew up with my parents. I inherited the place after they died.” He led Gackt inside and offered him a seat on the couch on the living room. “Let me get some of his things.”
“All right.” Gackt studied the house while he waited, noticing pictures of Tetsu and Ayana together and another of Hyde with a woman. His wife, perhaps? Or ex-wife since he hadn’t noticed a wedding band on the man’s finger.
“Here they are.” Hyde returned with a box and sat down on the couch next to Hyde. “These are all connected to my namesake.” He took the lid off the box and pulled out some old photos of Tetsu and Hyde together. Gackt didn’t recognize Hyde at first since he was so used to seeing the ghost dressed as a bride, but all these photos were of Hyde as a man – except for one photo taken in the church after their wedding. Both were smiling, holding hands and looking so in love with each other. Tetsu either held Hyde’s hand or had his arms around him in most of the pictures and they were always smiling. “He tried to move on with his life after he lost Hyde, but he could never stop loving him. He loved my mother too, but Hyde had his heart up until the day he died.”
“Why did he never go back?”
“Part of him was ashamed for breaking his promise to Hyde and leaving. Then four years after he moved to Mayfield, I was born. My father didn’t want to leave his wife and baby behind to make a visit to the past. Once I was older, he could have gone back… but the shame had set in and he couldn’t face Hyde’s grave again.”
Gackt frowned as he returned the pictures to Hyde. What a terrible excuse. “He needn’t have been ashamed. Hyde asked me to tell Tetsu that he’s forgiven him for falling in love again.” The ghost would be crushed when he found out that Tetsu had been too ashamed to face him again.
“That would make him happy, but it’s too late to tell my father now.” Hyde replaced the photos on the box then removed a sheet of paper and an official document that looked like a will. “He wrote this poem for Hyde the week before he died. He has more poems that he’s written to Hyde throughout his life, but he wanted to be buried with the volume he collected them in.”
Gackt took the poem and read through it[1]. He’d always thought poetry was beautiful and this poem was no exception. It captured Tetsu’s feelings towards Hyde so well and he knew the ghost would be touched by his love’s devotion to him. “It’s beautiful.”
“He really loved Hyde.” Tetsu’s son sighed as he looked down at the will. “He wanted me to take that poem to Hyde’s grave since he didn’t have the health to go himself. He wanted me to leave it there…”
“Why didn’t you?” Gackt asked. If his father had been on his death bed and asked him to do something for him, Gackt would have moved the world to do it. A person’s dying wish wasn’t something to be ignored.
Hyde shrugged. “I’ve never left Mayfield before and I didn’t see the point of going out of my way to leave something at a grave.”
“Your namesake would have been happy to have the company. The news would have hurt him, but he would have been happy to find out what happened to Tetsu. You should have honored your father’s wishes,” Gackt scolded.
“Be angry at my mother then. After he died, he wanted his body to be buried next to Hyde so they could be together forever in death.”
“Ayana didn’t want that?”
Hyde shook his head. “No, she didn’t want to lose her husband so she had him buried here… and joined him a few years later.”
Gackt frowned. In the end, Tetsu had tried to make up for the years of abandonment, but his family had been selfish and refused to help him. Life was so unfair.
“Will you go back to Hyde’s grave and tell him what happened?” Hyde asked. “And please, read this poem and the will to him.”
“I will.”
“Thank you.”
“Is there anything else I should bring to Hyde?”
“No… the poem, an apology, and his eternal company were the only things my father wanted to give to Hyde.” The older man placed the lid back on the box and looked up at Gackt. “Will you tell Hyde how sorry I am for never following my father’s wishes? A part of me has always regretted it since he looked so happy when I told him I’d go to Hyde’s grave. He looked like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders since he knew that someone would see Hyde again and give him the truth.”
“I’ll tell him.” Gackt stood, and Hyde gave him a small bag to carry the poem and the will.
“Thank you,” Hyde said again.
“You’re welcome.” Gackt closed the door behind him as he left the house. He had the will, the poem, and the knowledge that Tetsu had loved Hyde until the day he died. This was what Hyde needed to know so he could leave this world behind.
All he could do now was wait for another transfer so he could free Hyde. But until then, he had You’s question that he needed to answer. “Are you in love with him or aren’t you?” He’d thought about his feelings towards Hyde on the bus ride to Mayfield and needed more time to think about the ghost before he could answer You’s question. Love was a complicated emotion. It wasn’t easy to figure out one’s feelings in a matter of minutes.
* * *
Gackt stepped off the bus and found You waiting for him. “Did you find anything about Tetsu?”
“I did.” Gackt led You out of earshot from the other soldiers at the bus stop. He told You how he’d found the grave and delivered Hyde’s message, then met the other Hyde and gone home with him to learn about Tetsu. Gackt opened his bag, taking out the poem and will and showing them to You. “Tetsu loved Hyde until the day he died and didn’t go back to see him because he was ashamed that he’d abandoned Hyde.”
“What a horrible excuse,” You said, returning the copies to him.
“His family refused to honor his dying wish as well,” Gackt sighed. “He wanted his son to take this poem to Hyde’s grave and read it to him… and Tetsu wanted to be buried next to Hyde so he could be with him forever.”
“That’s terrible!”
“I know. Hyde will be so upset when I tell him.”
You frowned at the mention of Hyde. “Do you have an answer to my question?”
“Yes,” Gackt said simply. After he’d left Hyde’s house, he’d gone to the park so he could be alone with his thoughts. He’d realized that yes, he was in love with Hyde. He knew that this was the type of love that would only hurt him since it was physically impossible for him to be in a relationship with Hyde and losing Hyde would cause him heartache, but he would rather suffer heartache than have Hyde be trapped here for even longer.
You sighed. “I was afraid you’d say that.”
“I know.”
“What are you going to do?”
“There’s little I can do. I’m going to go back to Hyde as soon as I have the chance and tell him all about Tetsu. If that’s enough to make him finally rest in peace, then I’ll be happy for him. Losing him will hurt… but it’s for the best. And although I won’t forget Hyde, there are other people in this world that I can love.” It would be hard to move on from Hyde since they would have been so good for each other if the ghost had been alive. Falling in love with Hyde had been easy since their personalities had just clicked with each other.
It would be very difficult to find someone he loved as much as he loved Hyde.
Notes
[1] I'm horrible at writing poetry, but that's not the reason I didn't write out the poem in this chapter. Gackt is going to read it to Hyde in Chapter 11 and I didn't want to be repeating myself with the poem.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-11-15 07:40 am (UTC)i want they wake up for the dreaming, hug each other!
more pleasee soon...
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Date: 2011-11-15 03:31 pm (UTC)I'll try!
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Date: 2011-11-15 02:25 pm (UTC)Way to go You for making Gackt realized his feeling :))
I loooove ur story.. because it always flow beautifully and easy to imagine. I have perfect scenes in my mind when reading ur stories n most of the time they made my day! :)
*bouncy for the next chapter XD
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Date: 2011-11-15 03:32 pm (UTC)Good for You
Aw, thank you! I've been working on this for so long that there are days when I love it and days when I hate it, haha. I'm glad it's easy for you to visualize scenes from the story
My goal is to have it out sometime this week, but we'll see. It's going to be hard to edit. Really, really hard.
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Date: 2011-11-15 02:51 pm (UTC)aah poor Gackt, it's always hard to admit something like that. He's gonna be so hurt.. -___-" *hugs him*
I loved that you named Tetsu's son Hyde. ^_^ and it's very sad, but understandable that Ayana didn't want him to be buried next to Hyde.
.. How can Gackt dream something like all that!!! xD *Is not complaining*
but of course Gackt had to fall in love with him... He loves him... outside the dream. So ... it was kind of mandatory I think. Otherwise it'd have been a little weird imo. But it's a good thing that it isn't necessarily a love story. That's what makes it interesting and not something out of a dozen.
oooh.. it's almost over :( *sniffles*
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Date: 2011-11-15 03:38 pm (UTC)Poor Gackt indeed... he'll need a big hug after this is all over
I had to! Tetsu loved Hyde so much. I agree, it's sad and selfish of her that she didn't honor Tetsu's wishes... but if I were her, I wouldn't want to send my husband off to be buried next to someone else. I'd want to be together in life and in death.
LOL well, who knows what Gackt dreams
explicit dreams about him and HydeI actually hadn't planned for Gackt to fall in love with Hyde in the dream, but after chapter 9 it was impossible for Gackt to not fall in love with Hyde. And yes that makes sense, he loves Hyde in real life so it's only natural that he'd fall in love with Hyde again in a dream. Yeah, I didn't want to make this a love story. It's a ghost story.
I'm glad it's almost over XD
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Date: 2011-11-15 05:20 pm (UTC)I can understand you're glad it's almost over... ^_^" but this was already so good and I can't wait to read the outcomes. ^_^ the last chapter too, after the dream I mean.
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Date: 2011-11-15 05:24 pm (UTC)I'll be very happy when it's over XD I'm doing the first edit on Chapter 11 so as long as I stay motivated, I should be able to get the next chapter out this week. I'm looking forward to the last two chapters and the alternate ending so I can really finish up the story and have Gackt wake up and be with Hyde again
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Date: 2011-11-16 01:27 am (UTC)And although I won’t forget Hyde, there are other people in this world that I can love.
I reeeeally hope you don't mean You, G. Just don't.
I can't believe it's nearing its end~! Although it is a lot more of ghost story than a love story, but I enjoy it~ :D
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Date: 2011-11-16 01:52 am (UTC)Not a fan of GacktxYou?
I'm glad it's nearing the end! Yes, I enjoyed writing a ghost story instead of a typical love story
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Date: 2011-11-16 02:21 am (UTC)Nope, I'm team JACKT. xD
Yess! I wish more and more people write ghost story like this. Realistic and beautiful. I'm gonna be sad when this story ends. :')
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Date: 2011-11-16 04:39 am (UTC)...I hate that pairing XD
I do too, I feel like too many ghost stories are just horror and there's nothing beautiful about that. I really enjoyed writing this
except for when I had writer's block and hated itbecause it was something very differentno subject
Date: 2011-11-16 04:10 am (UTC)And OF COURSE GACKT IS IN LOVE WITH HYDE. :P WHAT ELSE IS NEW. XDD
Though, I do have a question: you never mentioned why You turned supportive all of a sudden! Especially since he was so Anti-Hyde last chappie, I found it sort of sudden that out of no where he was all "Alright, I know he much to means to you and I'm totally cool with it, just be careful K?" XD
Also, I find it sort of odd that Tetsu thought of Hyde so much he even wrote poems about him and asked to be buried next to him instead of his own wife- he clearly didn't love her that much then did he? XD Also, even though I know it's necessary for the storyline, it's also surprising that Son!Hyde is apparently totally cool with the fact that his father was in love with another man at one point, considering the time period and all. But I guess since he's older too, it's had many years in sink in, so, I guess that would explain why he's so mature about it, ya? :3
NUUU ONLY ONE MORE CHAP OF GHOST HYDE? I'M ETERNALLY SAD. D:
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Date: 2011-11-16 04:37 am (UTC)He just had to realize it himself XD
You's had time to do some major thinking and he was able to realize that he was just being a paranoid ass. I'd originally planned for You to keep disliking Hyde up until the end, but I also wanted him to make up
almost typed make out lolwith Gackt after their fights... so You is supportive again. Not happy since Gackt's obsession scares him, but he doesn't want to lose their friendship because of fights.It's not like he doesn't love Ayana, he loves her too... in the end Hyde was the one he wanted to be with the most. So not good for Ayana in this case. I didn't develop Son!Hyde much since he's only in this part and will never show up in my writing again, but I imagine Tetsu raised him to be accepting despite how that would have been a big scandal in that time.
THERE'S THE ALTERNATE ENDING TOO
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Date: 2011-11-18 04:39 am (UTC)ABOUT FRIGGEN TIME. XDD
OH THANK GOODNESS HE'S FINALLY SEEN THE LIGHT! :'D *pleased* Guess I don't have to beat him up anymore!! XD
It must be pretty rough though, being in love with someone who is dead. D: He never got over him. :C That makes sense! :)
THAT INVOLVES GHOST/POSSIBLY REAL HYDE? :DDDDDDDDDD
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Date: 2011-11-18 08:46 pm (UTC)Gackt's going to have a chat with him about that XD Haha yes You is spared from your rage.
I can only imagine how hard it would be. So true <3
I hide my couples from you, you honestly think I'd tell you? XD You'll have to read and find out! I did start some of it while I was waiting for class to begin...
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Date: 2011-11-18 09:11 pm (UTC)Oh goody! :3 HE SHOULD CONSIDER HIMSELF LUCKY. >D
OH PHOOEY! XD Fine. :P Oh, you actually write stuff down? :O
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Date: 2011-11-18 11:31 pm (UTC)I only hand write stories when school is in session. If I'm waiting for a class to start I'll write, or if I'm out and not with my computer I'll write. It's a good way to start a story since it makes it easier to write if I already have part of it done
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Date: 2011-11-16 06:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-16 02:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-18 05:43 am (UTC)Gackt frowned as he thought about his time with Hyde. How happy he was when he was with the ghost, how seeing Hyde’s smile could make him feel better no matter how stressed or exhausted he was. How he and Hyde had tried to touch each other the last time they’d been to Hyde’s clearing. How the ghost had warmed his heart when he’d walked Gackt to the edge of the forest and how badly he’d wanted to embrace him since he didn’t know when he would see him again. How more and more Hyde filled his dreams. Sometimes the dreams were his usual nightmare about the clearing burning and being unable to see Hyde ever again, but he had pleasant dreams as well. Dreams where he was just sitting in Hyde’s clearing and talking to him about everyday things. He’d even dreamt of taking Hyde to his hometown and walking with him on the beach as Hyde held his skirts so they wouldn’t get dirty in the sand. The dream had been a little ridiculous since it was impossible for Hyde to be there, but Gackt had enjoyed it anyway since Hyde had loved the beach and had been so happy to see another part of the world besides the clearing he died in.
Love this whole paragraph and the fact that Gackt realizes he's in love with Hyde ♥ Poor Gackt will be hurt in the end, but I'm so glad he's different from the other Hyde and Ayana, and that he will let Hyde finally be free~
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Date: 2011-11-18 08:48 pm (UTC)I loved that long paragraph since it conveys Gackt's feelings for Hyde so well. Yes Gackt will be hurt, but he knows Hyde will be the one who suffers the most if he has to stay here any longer. What Hyde wants is more important to Gackt than having his own feelings taken care of