A Soldier's Dream: 11/12
Nov. 20th, 2011 12:32 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
write_my_dreamsTitle: A Soldier's Dream
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
write_my_dreams
Pairing: Gackt x Hyde (Dream only: Tetsu x Hyde)
Genre: AU, some romance and angst
Warning/Disclaimer: Does the end of the dream count as a warning? All I own is Tetsu's son and the story.
Rating: PG-13
Chapters: 11/12
Summary: After guest starring for VAMPS, the costumes Gackt and Hyde wore haunt Gackt in his sleep and inspire a vivid dream.
Author's Comment: I thought this chapter would give me hell because it's the end of the dream and it's always hard to end something, but it actually wasn't too bad. I'll keep this short, so on with the story.
Gackt’s unit was sent back to Hyde’s forest two weeks later. The last fourteen days had been tortuous since he had the key to Hyde’s freedom, but no way to reach him. He’d also had to learn how to handle his newfound feelings of love for the ghost. He’d already accepted that this was one love story that wouldn’t have a happy ending since it was impossible for a ghost to be with a living man. Only in death could they be together, but Gackt wanted to live and knew that Hyde wanted him to make it through this war.
“You’re going to see Hyde now?” You’d asked. They’d gotten here two hours ago and had settled into their old home again, been updated on the state of the war here, attended a tactics meeting, and now had a free period to do whatever they wanted. Gackt had taken the chance to see Hyde and had returned to his tent as soon as the meeting ended.
The soldier nodded and shouldered the bag with the will and poem. “I am.”
“All right.” You gave him a stern look. “Don’t be reckless. Concentrate on your surroundings, not on how excited you are to see Hyde.”
“I know,” Gackt said. “I promise I’ll be careful.” He picked up his gun, but You caught his arm before he could leave.
“Wait.”
“For what?”
“I… I want you to apologize to Hyde for me. After you realized you were in love with him, I thought about Hyde and came to a realization of my own. I let my fears cloud my judgment and wouldn’t listen to reason. I didn’t want to believe Hyde was a gentle spirit because you were scaring me. You became obsessed with him, and I felt like I was losing you.”
“Not obsessed,” Gackt said quietly. “I fell in love.”
“Sometimes they’re one in the same.”
“That’s true.” Sometimes love did turn into obsession, but Gackt didn’t consider his love for Hyde to be like that. He cared about the ghost, but he hadn’t given up on everything to be with him at all times. “Did you really feel like you were losing me?”
“I told you, you were obsessed. All you wanted to do was to go and see Hyde or help him rest in peace. I feel like I never see you on our free days anymore, and that’s another reason for why I never liked him. I didn’t want to lose my best friend to a ghost.”
“You sound jealous,” Gackt said.
You chuckled. “Maybe a little.”
Gackt smiled. “If all goes well, his soul will be at peace today.”
“I hope so. Please tell Hyde I’m sorry that I never trusted him and that I hurt him so much when I met him.”
“Why don’t you tell him yourself?” Gackt asked.
“It’s best if you go. Hyde doesn’t want to see me again, and I don’t want to ruin your reunion.”
“I’ll tell him.”
“And I’m sorry that I didn’t trust you either. You can be reckless and do stupid things sometimes, but you wouldn’t knowingly put yourself into a dangerous position. I’m no longer afraid that Hyde’s going to take you with him.”
“That means a lot to me, You. I’m glad you trust him now.” He’d felt like he was torn between his best friend and the ghost before, constantly defending them to each other and trying to make them believe that the other was a good person. You had finally changed his mind about Hyde, and Gackt hoped that the ghost would be able to accept You’s apology before he moved on to a new life.
“I won’t hold you any longer. Go see Hyde, Gackt. Free him from this world.”
“I hope I can.”
“Are you going to tell Hyde you love him?”
Gackt hesitated. “I haven’t decided yet. I’m afraid Hyde will want to stay here if I tell him, but I don’t want that. I want him to move on.”
“I think you should tell him. He might have fallen in love with you too and if he has, then he deserves to know that there’s one person on this earth who loves him.”
Gackt nodded. “I’ll talk to him. I’ll be back here in time for training tonight.”
“Good, Chacha will murder you if you’re late to the first training session.”
Gackt laughed. “I know he will.” He said goodbye to You and left the base. His thoughts kept jumping to the ghost, but he forced himself to concentrate since You wasn’t here to save him again if he encountered the enemy. Gackt managed to keep his attention on his surroundings and used the trees as cover, stopping every so often so he could listen for footsteps. No one was following him and he seemed to be alone here, something he often felt in this forest.
The soldier stepped into the clearing and found Hyde waiting for him. “Gackt!” he beamed as he saw the soldier, standing and coming over to him. “I’ve missed you so much.”
“I missed you too.” It felt good to see Hyde again, to see that the clearing was unchanged and that all his nightmares were only his fears and not reality.
“I was afraid for you. I always worry about whether you’re alive or not,” Hyde said.
“You won’t have to worry about me after today.”
“What do you mean?” Hyde asked. “Did you win the war?”
“No, I went to Mayfield.” He opened the bag and took out the poem and the will. “We both had a feeling that Tetsu was dead so I went to the cemetery first. It took me a while, but I was able to find his grave.”
Hyde sighed. “I didn’t think he was alive. When did Tet-chan die?”
“Ten years ago.”
“And Ayana…?”
“A few years after him. I couldn’t feel a spiritual presence at the grave so Tetsu didn’t become a ghost like you did. He’s waiting for you somewhere in the next world. Even though I couldn’t feel his spirit, I told him that you had forgiven him for falling in love again.”
“Thank you for telling him.”
“You’re welcome. I met someone at Tetsu’s grave – a man who looked just like him. He told me he was Tetsu’s son and that his name was Hyde.”
The ghost started. “Tet-chan named his son after me?”
“He did. I told Hyde about you, and he took me back to his house. He told me about his parents and how Tetsu never stopped loving you. He wrote poems to you throughout his life and was buried with one of his notebooks. Tetsu’s son asked me to give this poem to you. It was the last one he wrote before he died.” Gackt turned the paper so Hyde could read it.
“Will you read it to me?” Hyde asked. “The true beauty of a poem is best expressed when read aloud.”
“Of course.” Gackt took a breath and read the poem for Hyde. It dealt with Tetsu’s feelings of regret for never coming back and how he had always loved Hyde even though he’d remarried. It was a beautiful poem, and Gackt could feel how Tetsu had poured his heart into each word to express his utter love for Hyde.
Hyde listened to him read. “That’s beautiful,” he whispered, looking touched. Gackt knew he would be crying if he could have. “Tet-chan really did love me until his dying day.” He frowned and folded his arms over his chest, looking annoyed now. “But he contradicts himself! He loved me so much, yet he abandoned me. He regretted that he never came back to see me and wished he’d returned, but he never tried to visit my grave.”
“Hyde told me why Tetsu never came back. At first, he didn’t leave Mayfield because he had a wife and a baby and didn’t want them to be alone. Hyde said that when he was old enough, Tetsu could have gone back to see you… but he didn’t. Tetsu had been away from you for so long that he was ashamed to come and face you after he’d abandoned you for so many years.”
Hyde looked hurt. “He should have had more faith in me than that. I would have been happy to see him again.”
“I think Tetsu knew that, and that’s why he wrote so many poems to you.” Gackt laid Tetsu’s poem in front of the grave. “When he was dying, he asked his son to take this poem to you and apologize for him. Hyde can’t see ghosts and he’d never left Mayfield before so…” he trailed off, not wanting to say that Hyde had seen no point in coming to the grave of his namesake.
Hyde scoffed. “So he assumed it would be a waste of his time to carry out Tet-chan’s wishes?”
“Yes. I’m sorry; I know the truth is painful.”
Hyde shook his head. “It’s better to know the truth than to be ignorant.”
“I agree.” Ignorance wasn’t bliss. “There’s one more thing.” Gackt showed Hyde the will so he could read Tetsu’s final wish. “Tetsu wanted to be buried next to you after he died so he could end your loneliness and be with you forever. This proves that you were always the one he loved most.”
Hyde frowned. “Why wasn’t he buried with me then?”
Gackt sighed. “Ayana didn’t want to lose her husband so she had him buried in Mayfield with her.” He shivered as Hyde clenched his fists, feeling the temperature drop. He’d expected Hyde to be sad, hurt, and angry over the news that Tetsu’s family had been selfish and refused to obey his dying wishes.
“It’s because of them that I was alone for so long. I could have had peace earlier if they hadn’t been so selfish!” Hyde shouted. His anger caused ice crystals to form on Gackt’s uniform and the trees, weighing the leaves down and sending chills straight to his bones.
“I know.” The soldier reached out to Hyde, hands hovering at his shoulders. “Please calm down, Hyde. You have every right to be angry since they’ve hurt you so much and they hurt Tetsu too by refusing to act upon his wishes. But you know the truth now! Even though Tetsu loved Ayana, you were always the one who wanted to be with. Don’t let your anger keep you trapped here even longer.”
Hyde raised his hands so they were almost touching Gackt’s and gradually calmed down. As his mood improved, the clearing became warmer and the ice crystals melted. “Thank you.”
“I don’t want you to be angry when you should be at peace,” Gackt said, wishing he could bring Hyde into his arms and hold him close so he could comfort him.
“I don’t either… I was just so upset when I learned what they did.”
“I know.” Gackt smiled at him. “But I have something that will make you happier. You realized he was wrong about you and asked me to apologize. He said he’s sorry for doubting you and thinking that you were going to kill me one day. I asked him why he wouldn’t tell you himself, but You knows you don’t want to see him and he didn’t want to ruin our reunion.”
He was surprised by the flash of pain in Hyde’s eyes. He’d thought Hyde would be delighted to hear that You had accepted him. “I’m glad he was able to realize that,” the ghost said softly.
“Is something wrong?” Gackt asked.
“No,” Hyde smiled at him. “It’s nothing.”
“Are you sure?”
“I am.” The pain was gone from his eyes now, but Gackt still wondered what had triggered that reaction. Hyde didn’t give him a chance to pursue the subject. “Thank you so much for everything you’ve done. Without you, I would still be lonely and angry. I’ve become happier since knowing you. You took my loneliness away and gave me peace. I’m still angry at Tet-chan for letting shame get in the way, but I’m glad he loved me until his dying day.”
“I was happy to help. Is your soul at peace now?”
“It is,” Hyde said, smile fading. “But things are different now. Tet-chan’s love isn’t the only thing I need to rest in peace anymore.”
Gackt was confused. “What do you mean?” Hyde had been trapped here because of Tetsu. What else did he need?
Hyde looked pained again as he stepped closer. Gackt frowned since his instincts were urging him to turn and run. But this was Hyde. He felt safe with the ghost and had trusted him all along, even though You hadn’t. Hyde would never hurt him... so why did he feel like this? “I’ve been alone for so long, Gackt. What I truly need to rest in peace is your company.” He grasped Gackt’s wrist. The soldier’s eyes widened since he could feel the fingers wrapped around his wrist and not just the cold.
“Hyde… you’re not solid. How can you touch me?” Gackt’s heart beat faster as he tried to pull his wrist from Hyde’s grasp, but the ghost was too strong.
“There is one occasion where I can become solid. I’m so sorry, Gackt,” Hyde whispered, looking up at him with so much regret in his eyes.
“Let me go!” Gackt again tried to wrench away, but it was impossible.
“I can’t. When you were away from me, I realized that I couldn’t bear to see you leave again. It killed me every time I had to watch Tetsu leave my grave, but it hurts even more when you leave because you’re the only person who can see me. I need to be with you, Gacchan, and the only way I can do that is if you’re dead. I don’t want to kill you… but I have no other choice. Unless you die in this war, you’ll leave and I’ll never see you again. By killing you, you’ll be with me forever.” Hyde reached up to stroke the soldier’s face with his free hand. He shivered, feeling like his cheek had turned to ice.
“Hyde, please! I don’t want to die. It’s not my time!”
The ghost embraced him and locked his arms around Gackt’s waist, leaning his head against his chest and listening to his heart. “It wasn’t my time either.”
“Please!” Gackt struggled, trying to push Hyde away and shivering since prolonged contact with the ghost was draining his strength. So cold… “You’ll steal my life just like yours was stolen.”
“I’m killing you for love though.” Hyde stood up on tiptoe and kissed Gackt. The soldier angrily turned his face away, but Hyde brought his face back. The pain started when he kissed Gackt a second time, pressing him closer. The soldier had only guessed how painful it would be to have his soul ripped out, but he could never have imagined how agonizing it truly was. It was like the pain of a broken bone magnified by a thousand times. His entire body felt like it was on fire with agony. Gackt clutched Hyde’s dress and shut his eyes, tears streaming down his cheeks as he struggled to break free. All he knew was agony and cold and he just wanted it to stop, to be free from the prison his body had become. The pain abruptly ended and Hyde felt warm against him, no longer the icy spirit who had drained all the warmth from his body like a vampire drained the blood of its victims.
Gackt looked down at his murderer, the ghost he’d loved and now the ghost he loathed. “I will hate you forever.” Hyde said nothing, looking sad as he released Gackt from his embrace. The soldier turned his back on the ghost and crouched next to his body. His eyes were still opened, a pained expression on his face and hands clenched into fists from gripping Hyde’s dress. Gackt touched his shoulder, but felt nothing as his hand passed through his body. Desperate, he tried again and again. Surely a soul could be put back in if it could be taken out! Nothing changed, and Gackt continued to watch his hand pass through his shoulder. “No…” he wanted to cry from the helplessness, but it was just as impossible as it was to enter his body again. He was truly dead.
Hyde knelt at his side and gently grasped his hand. His eyes were full of remorse. “I’m so sorry I did this to you.”
“Why?! You love Tetsu.”
Hyde shook his head. “I still have feelings for Tet-chan, but I told you that I don’t need his love to rest in peace anymore. I need your love, Gacchan.”
“I can’t give you my love,” the soldier snapped, again trying to pull his hand free. He’d longed to be able to touch Hyde, but now that he could he hated it.
“Yes you can.” Gackt recoiled as the ghost stroked his face. “You’re in love with me. You look at me like Tet-chan used to.” Hyde smiled sadly. “You still love me even though you hate me now.”
“Don’t touch me.”
Hyde sighed and let his hand fall back to his side. “I knew you loved me before you left for Mayfield, Gacchan. I realized I was in love with you the first time you left this station. It’s taken me sixty years to find love again, and I can’t bear to lose the man I love a second time.”
“Don’t talk to me about love!” You had been right all along. Gackt should have believed him instead of putting his heart into helping Hyde. He might still be alive if he and Hyde hadn’t fallen in love with each other. How ironic that the day that You finally accepted Hyde was the same day he killed Gackt.
“It was the only way I could rest in peace. I know you will never forgive me for my selfishness, but I had to do it.”
“No you didn’t. If you love me so much then you should have let me live. You wanted me to make it through this war alive!”
“I did,” Hyde said softly. “But there’s no way of knowing if you would have. You could have died tomorrow.”
“Or I could have lived,” Gackt snapped.
Hyde took his hand again. “You don’t know that.”
“I said don’t touch me!” The ghost had released him before, but this time he held tight to Gackt’s hand when he tried to pull away.
“I can’t let you leave.”
“Please, Hyde! I need to see You.”
Hyde shook his head and stood, pulling Gackt to his feet. “There’s no time to wait for You to find your body.”
“What do you mean?” You would come looking for him when he failed to show up for training. Gackt needed to be there to explain what had happened.
Hyde tugged him towards the grave. “I finally have a chance to leave this world behind, but I can’t do it without you.”
Gackt attempted to dig his heels into the ground, but such a thing was impossible for a ghost. “You’ve taken everything from me! You deserve to let me speak to You one more time.”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t let you do that.” Hyde tightened his grip on Gackt’s hand. The soldier took a step back, eyes widening as a doorway appeared next to Hyde’s grave. He couldn’t see through it to see what lay beyond, but knew that this was the door to death. He fought against Hyde as he pulled him towards the door, trying desperately to break free since he knew that he would never see You again if Hyde succeeded in bringing him through the door.
“Let me go!”
“I’m sorry,” the ghost whispered as they reached the doorway. “I just love you so much, Gacchan. I can’t bear to lose you.”
“Hyde, no! Release me! I don’t want to go in there… please!”
“I can’t. I’ve waited too long for this.” Hyde stepped through the door and dragged Gackt in after him. The soldier looked back to see his body one last time before the world went black around him.
Notes
1) I decided not to write Tetsu's poem to Hyde because I'm terrible at poetry and didn't want to ruin it with my clumsy attempt at poetry. I write stories, not poems and it's hard to jump from one to the other. I thought about using the lyrics to one of Gackt or L'Arc's songs, but in the end decided to just give a summary. Imagine the poem however you want.
2) I mentioned in a previous journal that I had another idea for how to end A Soldier’s Dream – a happier one where Gackt doesn’t die. I thought about writing that ending instead of this one, but I discarded that idea since I wanted to write something that doesn’t have a happy ending. I knew the ending of this story before I started writing it, so decided to stick with the original ending.
3) You was right all along. It was hard not to spoil the ending whenever I replied to your comments, but I had fun snickering to myself since only one person guessed the ending to this fic XD
4) The dream is over, so it’s time for sleeping beauty to wake up now! It's going to be strange not writing in a World War II setting anymore...
5) I will write and post the alternate ending to A Soldier’s Dream. I just need to finish outlining it
6) One more chapter and then this fic is done! I wrote the rough draft of the epilogue about the same time as I wrote this chapter, so all I have to do is edit it and then it's ready to post.
Author:
write_my_dreamsPairing: Gackt x Hyde (Dream only: Tetsu x Hyde)
Genre: AU, some romance and angst
Warning/Disclaimer: Does the end of the dream count as a warning? All I own is Tetsu's son and the story.
Rating: PG-13
Chapters: 11/12
Summary: After guest starring for VAMPS, the costumes Gackt and Hyde wore haunt Gackt in his sleep and inspire a vivid dream.
Author's Comment: I thought this chapter would give me hell because it's the end of the dream and it's always hard to end something, but it actually wasn't too bad. I'll keep this short, so on with the story.
Gackt’s unit was sent back to Hyde’s forest two weeks later. The last fourteen days had been tortuous since he had the key to Hyde’s freedom, but no way to reach him. He’d also had to learn how to handle his newfound feelings of love for the ghost. He’d already accepted that this was one love story that wouldn’t have a happy ending since it was impossible for a ghost to be with a living man. Only in death could they be together, but Gackt wanted to live and knew that Hyde wanted him to make it through this war.
“You’re going to see Hyde now?” You’d asked. They’d gotten here two hours ago and had settled into their old home again, been updated on the state of the war here, attended a tactics meeting, and now had a free period to do whatever they wanted. Gackt had taken the chance to see Hyde and had returned to his tent as soon as the meeting ended.
The soldier nodded and shouldered the bag with the will and poem. “I am.”
“All right.” You gave him a stern look. “Don’t be reckless. Concentrate on your surroundings, not on how excited you are to see Hyde.”
“I know,” Gackt said. “I promise I’ll be careful.” He picked up his gun, but You caught his arm before he could leave.
“Wait.”
“For what?”
“I… I want you to apologize to Hyde for me. After you realized you were in love with him, I thought about Hyde and came to a realization of my own. I let my fears cloud my judgment and wouldn’t listen to reason. I didn’t want to believe Hyde was a gentle spirit because you were scaring me. You became obsessed with him, and I felt like I was losing you.”
“Not obsessed,” Gackt said quietly. “I fell in love.”
“Sometimes they’re one in the same.”
“That’s true.” Sometimes love did turn into obsession, but Gackt didn’t consider his love for Hyde to be like that. He cared about the ghost, but he hadn’t given up on everything to be with him at all times. “Did you really feel like you were losing me?”
“I told you, you were obsessed. All you wanted to do was to go and see Hyde or help him rest in peace. I feel like I never see you on our free days anymore, and that’s another reason for why I never liked him. I didn’t want to lose my best friend to a ghost.”
“You sound jealous,” Gackt said.
You chuckled. “Maybe a little.”
Gackt smiled. “If all goes well, his soul will be at peace today.”
“I hope so. Please tell Hyde I’m sorry that I never trusted him and that I hurt him so much when I met him.”
“Why don’t you tell him yourself?” Gackt asked.
“It’s best if you go. Hyde doesn’t want to see me again, and I don’t want to ruin your reunion.”
“I’ll tell him.”
“And I’m sorry that I didn’t trust you either. You can be reckless and do stupid things sometimes, but you wouldn’t knowingly put yourself into a dangerous position. I’m no longer afraid that Hyde’s going to take you with him.”
“That means a lot to me, You. I’m glad you trust him now.” He’d felt like he was torn between his best friend and the ghost before, constantly defending them to each other and trying to make them believe that the other was a good person. You had finally changed his mind about Hyde, and Gackt hoped that the ghost would be able to accept You’s apology before he moved on to a new life.
“I won’t hold you any longer. Go see Hyde, Gackt. Free him from this world.”
“I hope I can.”
“Are you going to tell Hyde you love him?”
Gackt hesitated. “I haven’t decided yet. I’m afraid Hyde will want to stay here if I tell him, but I don’t want that. I want him to move on.”
“I think you should tell him. He might have fallen in love with you too and if he has, then he deserves to know that there’s one person on this earth who loves him.”
Gackt nodded. “I’ll talk to him. I’ll be back here in time for training tonight.”
“Good, Chacha will murder you if you’re late to the first training session.”
Gackt laughed. “I know he will.” He said goodbye to You and left the base. His thoughts kept jumping to the ghost, but he forced himself to concentrate since You wasn’t here to save him again if he encountered the enemy. Gackt managed to keep his attention on his surroundings and used the trees as cover, stopping every so often so he could listen for footsteps. No one was following him and he seemed to be alone here, something he often felt in this forest.
The soldier stepped into the clearing and found Hyde waiting for him. “Gackt!” he beamed as he saw the soldier, standing and coming over to him. “I’ve missed you so much.”
“I missed you too.” It felt good to see Hyde again, to see that the clearing was unchanged and that all his nightmares were only his fears and not reality.
“I was afraid for you. I always worry about whether you’re alive or not,” Hyde said.
“You won’t have to worry about me after today.”
“What do you mean?” Hyde asked. “Did you win the war?”
“No, I went to Mayfield.” He opened the bag and took out the poem and the will. “We both had a feeling that Tetsu was dead so I went to the cemetery first. It took me a while, but I was able to find his grave.”
Hyde sighed. “I didn’t think he was alive. When did Tet-chan die?”
“Ten years ago.”
“And Ayana…?”
“A few years after him. I couldn’t feel a spiritual presence at the grave so Tetsu didn’t become a ghost like you did. He’s waiting for you somewhere in the next world. Even though I couldn’t feel his spirit, I told him that you had forgiven him for falling in love again.”
“Thank you for telling him.”
“You’re welcome. I met someone at Tetsu’s grave – a man who looked just like him. He told me he was Tetsu’s son and that his name was Hyde.”
The ghost started. “Tet-chan named his son after me?”
“He did. I told Hyde about you, and he took me back to his house. He told me about his parents and how Tetsu never stopped loving you. He wrote poems to you throughout his life and was buried with one of his notebooks. Tetsu’s son asked me to give this poem to you. It was the last one he wrote before he died.” Gackt turned the paper so Hyde could read it.
“Will you read it to me?” Hyde asked. “The true beauty of a poem is best expressed when read aloud.”
“Of course.” Gackt took a breath and read the poem for Hyde. It dealt with Tetsu’s feelings of regret for never coming back and how he had always loved Hyde even though he’d remarried. It was a beautiful poem, and Gackt could feel how Tetsu had poured his heart into each word to express his utter love for Hyde.
Hyde listened to him read. “That’s beautiful,” he whispered, looking touched. Gackt knew he would be crying if he could have. “Tet-chan really did love me until his dying day.” He frowned and folded his arms over his chest, looking annoyed now. “But he contradicts himself! He loved me so much, yet he abandoned me. He regretted that he never came back to see me and wished he’d returned, but he never tried to visit my grave.”
“Hyde told me why Tetsu never came back. At first, he didn’t leave Mayfield because he had a wife and a baby and didn’t want them to be alone. Hyde said that when he was old enough, Tetsu could have gone back to see you… but he didn’t. Tetsu had been away from you for so long that he was ashamed to come and face you after he’d abandoned you for so many years.”
Hyde looked hurt. “He should have had more faith in me than that. I would have been happy to see him again.”
“I think Tetsu knew that, and that’s why he wrote so many poems to you.” Gackt laid Tetsu’s poem in front of the grave. “When he was dying, he asked his son to take this poem to you and apologize for him. Hyde can’t see ghosts and he’d never left Mayfield before so…” he trailed off, not wanting to say that Hyde had seen no point in coming to the grave of his namesake.
Hyde scoffed. “So he assumed it would be a waste of his time to carry out Tet-chan’s wishes?”
“Yes. I’m sorry; I know the truth is painful.”
Hyde shook his head. “It’s better to know the truth than to be ignorant.”
“I agree.” Ignorance wasn’t bliss. “There’s one more thing.” Gackt showed Hyde the will so he could read Tetsu’s final wish. “Tetsu wanted to be buried next to you after he died so he could end your loneliness and be with you forever. This proves that you were always the one he loved most.”
Hyde frowned. “Why wasn’t he buried with me then?”
Gackt sighed. “Ayana didn’t want to lose her husband so she had him buried in Mayfield with her.” He shivered as Hyde clenched his fists, feeling the temperature drop. He’d expected Hyde to be sad, hurt, and angry over the news that Tetsu’s family had been selfish and refused to obey his dying wishes.
“It’s because of them that I was alone for so long. I could have had peace earlier if they hadn’t been so selfish!” Hyde shouted. His anger caused ice crystals to form on Gackt’s uniform and the trees, weighing the leaves down and sending chills straight to his bones.
“I know.” The soldier reached out to Hyde, hands hovering at his shoulders. “Please calm down, Hyde. You have every right to be angry since they’ve hurt you so much and they hurt Tetsu too by refusing to act upon his wishes. But you know the truth now! Even though Tetsu loved Ayana, you were always the one who wanted to be with. Don’t let your anger keep you trapped here even longer.”
Hyde raised his hands so they were almost touching Gackt’s and gradually calmed down. As his mood improved, the clearing became warmer and the ice crystals melted. “Thank you.”
“I don’t want you to be angry when you should be at peace,” Gackt said, wishing he could bring Hyde into his arms and hold him close so he could comfort him.
“I don’t either… I was just so upset when I learned what they did.”
“I know.” Gackt smiled at him. “But I have something that will make you happier. You realized he was wrong about you and asked me to apologize. He said he’s sorry for doubting you and thinking that you were going to kill me one day. I asked him why he wouldn’t tell you himself, but You knows you don’t want to see him and he didn’t want to ruin our reunion.”
He was surprised by the flash of pain in Hyde’s eyes. He’d thought Hyde would be delighted to hear that You had accepted him. “I’m glad he was able to realize that,” the ghost said softly.
“Is something wrong?” Gackt asked.
“No,” Hyde smiled at him. “It’s nothing.”
“Are you sure?”
“I am.” The pain was gone from his eyes now, but Gackt still wondered what had triggered that reaction. Hyde didn’t give him a chance to pursue the subject. “Thank you so much for everything you’ve done. Without you, I would still be lonely and angry. I’ve become happier since knowing you. You took my loneliness away and gave me peace. I’m still angry at Tet-chan for letting shame get in the way, but I’m glad he loved me until his dying day.”
“I was happy to help. Is your soul at peace now?”
“It is,” Hyde said, smile fading. “But things are different now. Tet-chan’s love isn’t the only thing I need to rest in peace anymore.”
Gackt was confused. “What do you mean?” Hyde had been trapped here because of Tetsu. What else did he need?
Hyde looked pained again as he stepped closer. Gackt frowned since his instincts were urging him to turn and run. But this was Hyde. He felt safe with the ghost and had trusted him all along, even though You hadn’t. Hyde would never hurt him... so why did he feel like this? “I’ve been alone for so long, Gackt. What I truly need to rest in peace is your company.” He grasped Gackt’s wrist. The soldier’s eyes widened since he could feel the fingers wrapped around his wrist and not just the cold.
“Hyde… you’re not solid. How can you touch me?” Gackt’s heart beat faster as he tried to pull his wrist from Hyde’s grasp, but the ghost was too strong.
“There is one occasion where I can become solid. I’m so sorry, Gackt,” Hyde whispered, looking up at him with so much regret in his eyes.
“Let me go!” Gackt again tried to wrench away, but it was impossible.
“I can’t. When you were away from me, I realized that I couldn’t bear to see you leave again. It killed me every time I had to watch Tetsu leave my grave, but it hurts even more when you leave because you’re the only person who can see me. I need to be with you, Gacchan, and the only way I can do that is if you’re dead. I don’t want to kill you… but I have no other choice. Unless you die in this war, you’ll leave and I’ll never see you again. By killing you, you’ll be with me forever.” Hyde reached up to stroke the soldier’s face with his free hand. He shivered, feeling like his cheek had turned to ice.
“Hyde, please! I don’t want to die. It’s not my time!”
The ghost embraced him and locked his arms around Gackt’s waist, leaning his head against his chest and listening to his heart. “It wasn’t my time either.”
“Please!” Gackt struggled, trying to push Hyde away and shivering since prolonged contact with the ghost was draining his strength. So cold… “You’ll steal my life just like yours was stolen.”
“I’m killing you for love though.” Hyde stood up on tiptoe and kissed Gackt. The soldier angrily turned his face away, but Hyde brought his face back. The pain started when he kissed Gackt a second time, pressing him closer. The soldier had only guessed how painful it would be to have his soul ripped out, but he could never have imagined how agonizing it truly was. It was like the pain of a broken bone magnified by a thousand times. His entire body felt like it was on fire with agony. Gackt clutched Hyde’s dress and shut his eyes, tears streaming down his cheeks as he struggled to break free. All he knew was agony and cold and he just wanted it to stop, to be free from the prison his body had become. The pain abruptly ended and Hyde felt warm against him, no longer the icy spirit who had drained all the warmth from his body like a vampire drained the blood of its victims.
Gackt looked down at his murderer, the ghost he’d loved and now the ghost he loathed. “I will hate you forever.” Hyde said nothing, looking sad as he released Gackt from his embrace. The soldier turned his back on the ghost and crouched next to his body. His eyes were still opened, a pained expression on his face and hands clenched into fists from gripping Hyde’s dress. Gackt touched his shoulder, but felt nothing as his hand passed through his body. Desperate, he tried again and again. Surely a soul could be put back in if it could be taken out! Nothing changed, and Gackt continued to watch his hand pass through his shoulder. “No…” he wanted to cry from the helplessness, but it was just as impossible as it was to enter his body again. He was truly dead.
Hyde knelt at his side and gently grasped his hand. His eyes were full of remorse. “I’m so sorry I did this to you.”
“Why?! You love Tetsu.”
Hyde shook his head. “I still have feelings for Tet-chan, but I told you that I don’t need his love to rest in peace anymore. I need your love, Gacchan.”
“I can’t give you my love,” the soldier snapped, again trying to pull his hand free. He’d longed to be able to touch Hyde, but now that he could he hated it.
“Yes you can.” Gackt recoiled as the ghost stroked his face. “You’re in love with me. You look at me like Tet-chan used to.” Hyde smiled sadly. “You still love me even though you hate me now.”
“Don’t touch me.”
Hyde sighed and let his hand fall back to his side. “I knew you loved me before you left for Mayfield, Gacchan. I realized I was in love with you the first time you left this station. It’s taken me sixty years to find love again, and I can’t bear to lose the man I love a second time.”
“Don’t talk to me about love!” You had been right all along. Gackt should have believed him instead of putting his heart into helping Hyde. He might still be alive if he and Hyde hadn’t fallen in love with each other. How ironic that the day that You finally accepted Hyde was the same day he killed Gackt.
“It was the only way I could rest in peace. I know you will never forgive me for my selfishness, but I had to do it.”
“No you didn’t. If you love me so much then you should have let me live. You wanted me to make it through this war alive!”
“I did,” Hyde said softly. “But there’s no way of knowing if you would have. You could have died tomorrow.”
“Or I could have lived,” Gackt snapped.
Hyde took his hand again. “You don’t know that.”
“I said don’t touch me!” The ghost had released him before, but this time he held tight to Gackt’s hand when he tried to pull away.
“I can’t let you leave.”
“Please, Hyde! I need to see You.”
Hyde shook his head and stood, pulling Gackt to his feet. “There’s no time to wait for You to find your body.”
“What do you mean?” You would come looking for him when he failed to show up for training. Gackt needed to be there to explain what had happened.
Hyde tugged him towards the grave. “I finally have a chance to leave this world behind, but I can’t do it without you.”
Gackt attempted to dig his heels into the ground, but such a thing was impossible for a ghost. “You’ve taken everything from me! You deserve to let me speak to You one more time.”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t let you do that.” Hyde tightened his grip on Gackt’s hand. The soldier took a step back, eyes widening as a doorway appeared next to Hyde’s grave. He couldn’t see through it to see what lay beyond, but knew that this was the door to death. He fought against Hyde as he pulled him towards the door, trying desperately to break free since he knew that he would never see You again if Hyde succeeded in bringing him through the door.
“Let me go!”
“I’m sorry,” the ghost whispered as they reached the doorway. “I just love you so much, Gacchan. I can’t bear to lose you.”
“Hyde, no! Release me! I don’t want to go in there… please!”
“I can’t. I’ve waited too long for this.” Hyde stepped through the door and dragged Gackt in after him. The soldier looked back to see his body one last time before the world went black around him.
Notes
1) I decided not to write Tetsu's poem to Hyde because I'm terrible at poetry and didn't want to ruin it with my clumsy attempt at poetry. I write stories, not poems and it's hard to jump from one to the other. I thought about using the lyrics to one of Gackt or L'Arc's songs, but in the end decided to just give a summary. Imagine the poem however you want.
2) I mentioned in a previous journal that I had another idea for how to end A Soldier’s Dream – a happier one where Gackt doesn’t die. I thought about writing that ending instead of this one, but I discarded that idea since I wanted to write something that doesn’t have a happy ending. I knew the ending of this story before I started writing it, so decided to stick with the original ending.
3) You was right all along. It was hard not to spoil the ending whenever I replied to your comments, but I had fun snickering to myself since only one person guessed the ending to this fic XD
4) The dream is over, so it’s time for sleeping beauty to wake up now! It's going to be strange not writing in a World War II setting anymore...
5) I will write and post the alternate ending to A Soldier’s Dream. I just need to finish outlining it
6) One more chapter and then this fic is done! I wrote the rough draft of the epilogue about the same time as I wrote this chapter, so all I have to do is edit it and then it's ready to post.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-11-20 06:17 am (UTC)HYDE, I SPENT THE ENTIRE FIC ROOTING FOR YOU AND THIS IS WHAT I GET?! XD REALLY? YOU BEING A BACKSTABBING LIAR??! KSCJBJWB2QOTXAEW. *UPSET* I can't believe it! DX Even the excuse of him loving Gackt too much isn't good enough! >.< This reminds me of the end of MC with Kei turning Sho because he loved him too much to let him die and Sho was then basically emo for the next 12 years. ARGH. IT'S NOT COOL TO FORCE SOMEONE TO DO/BE SOMETHING THEY NEVER WANTED TO DO/BE! EVER. And I can't even retaliate because you can't hurt a ghost! DX Oh wait, I can destroy Hyde's grave! XD
Though, actually this ending this way will connect better with Real!Gackt waking up. But still, I'm sad. D: I was all ready to read this adorable ending, lol. Pooooor Gackt. But at the same time, the element of surprise was well played here! :D KUDOOOOOS. <333
And, BYE SOPHISTICATED SWEET LOVING NON-WHORISH GACKT! YOU SHALL BE MISSED. :'D
no subject
Date: 2011-11-20 03:00 pm (UTC)Unfortunately for Gackt, it's the truth. Hyde wanted him too much to let him live. I wasn't thinking of MC when I was writing this, but it's very true since Ghost!Hyde and Kei both act selfishly. Haha, Hyde kills Gackt twice then. Pff Sho was already emo as hell after Kei left, turning him into a vampire didn't really change him too much. It's definitely not. LOL well, Hyde's spirit is gone so messing up the grave won't do anything.
That's what I thought too which is part of the reason I went with this one. Ahahaha no adorable ending for you just yet. Thanks! I'm glad I stayed with this ending.
LOL! You get one more chapter of sweet Gackt since that's the alternate ending to the dream
no subject
Date: 2011-11-20 05:41 pm (UTC)Yeah, even though it upsets me, definitely a badass ending. :D I guess this is what I get for being so Hyde-biased. XDD And I'm also not too upset since it's not REALLY the end, since this is a dream and Gackt will wake up next chappie. Though, isn't he going to be uber paranoid about Hyde killing him now lol?! "......And then, at the last second, you broke your promise and ripped me out my body so that I would be dead and therefore we could be together against my will and then you forced me through the door of death and then I woke up! Crazy huh?" "Yeah...that's pretty creepy actually....O_O;;" "Yeah....but you would never REALLY do that right? ^^;;" "Ghosts don't really exist Gackt, it was just a dr-" "ANSWER THE QUESTION! DX"
Oh yeah! :'D
no subject
Date: 2011-11-20 09:13 pm (UTC)That's what I wanted! LOL yes. Gackt will wake up and things will be back to normal. LOL they're going to have a talk about that
no subject
Date: 2011-11-20 07:21 am (UTC)Fufuu...and there real-life!hyde will all confused when Gackt woke up from his dream and pout at him :))
So u will write the alternative ending for the dream? the happy one? Personally I think that was the perfect dream ending ^^
Can't wait to read the epilogue!
no subject
Date: 2011-11-20 07:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-20 03:02 pm (UTC)LOL something like that
Haha didn't you read the notes? I said I was going to. I like this ending best too. It was fun to write something that didn't have a happy ending for once
no subject
Date: 2011-11-20 04:41 pm (UTC)So I confused is that mean one more chapter will be the epilogue or the happy ending one ^^;;
Seriously, I like this ending better (I think) because it entranced me when I read Gackt starting to feel Hyde's hand *shudders*
It's like, "Uh oh..." XD
no subject
Date: 2011-11-20 09:15 pm (UTC)I had more fun writing it because it was so different for me. Ohh yes as soon as Gackt could feel Hyde's hand you knew this wouldn't end well
Oooh
Date: 2011-11-20 12:24 pm (UTC)The fact that Hyde actually killed Gackt is soo unexpected, and it was really good. It reminded me of when Kei turned Sho into a vampire out of his selfishness, the biggest reason that made me love the whole film, yes I love drama xD;; Let me repeat it again that I like this ending so much, I can tell that I would like this more than the other one xD
Now so scared to see You's reaction when he learns that Hyde killed Gackt >n<;;
Re: Oooh
Date: 2011-11-20 03:03 pm (UTC)Good, I didn't want anyone to see it coming. I like drama as long as there's not too much. I like this ending so much more than the other one anyway, haha. The other one will be fun to write, but I won't love it as much as this one.
That's not a part of this story, if I write it it'll be a side-story.
Re: Oooh
Date: 2011-11-20 04:29 pm (UTC)So let's say you have succeeded ne xD However I would still love to read the other one, so... looking forward to it <3
Re: Oooh
Date: 2011-11-20 09:17 pm (UTC)It'll be out eventually, just need to finish the fic itself and then I can get back to the alternate ending
no subject
Date: 2011-11-20 08:50 pm (UTC)second, I AM SO VERY VERY HAPPY YOU LET GACKT DIE. Yes I am. VERY HAPPY. I love endings like this, but still it's not that bad, since it's a dream. xD Still I LOVE YOU FOR IT. xD Really I would maybe even be a little disappointed if he wouldn't have died -___-"
Plus it's a waaay better way to let Gackt wake up like this than... basically any other ending? xD so YAYYAYYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA *hyperactive loving variation to YAY!*
although I think the end is a little rushed like this and would have liked to read a little bit more, but nonetheless it was described pretty well. ^_^ (who am I to talk about rushing things... xD)
I'm sad the dream came to an end, but happy there's one more chapter to go. I'm curious as to what Gackt's reaction will be and how HYDE will react to THAT. xD lol. somehow I imagine Hyde being really cheeky and stupid about it. xD I don't know why...
gooooood job. I feel like this is my finishing comment or something, but in a way, the story ended already, so... xD forgive the long rant. Although you might even like my rambling in the form of a comment.
<3
no subject
Date: 2011-11-20 09:22 pm (UTC)LOL damn girl you're cold, excited over Gackt dying. I hate character death and will avoid a fic containing it, but since this is all just a dream I'm fine with it. Haha well, I guess this is the happy ending for you.
Yes, it's a better way for him to wake up. I'm still figuring out how he's going to wake up in the alternate ending...
I thought of putting You in and him finding Gackt, but that wouldn't work since this is Gackt's dream and it's not like his dream would suddenly switch perspectives on him. What more were you looking for - about what happens when he goes through the door? I never figured that out XD
Ha, I'm glad. LOL Hyde's got an answer and Gackt will be pouty since Hyde isn't taking this seriously enough.
Thank you :) Haha yeah the main story already ended. It was fun writing a story within a story. I'll have to do this again. I love long comments!
no subject
Date: 2011-11-20 11:07 pm (UTC)no I didn't want anything about what happens when he went through the door, since that's his wake up call and it should be like that. I don't know actually, it just seemed so sudden that Hyde killed him...
stories within stories are love. ^_^
no subject
Date: 2011-11-20 11:39 pm (UTC)Good, I wouldn't have written anything else on it anyway since it's time for Gackt to wake up xD
They are! I have two more stories within stories to write... they're about dreams though and I hate to re-use ideas, but it's the only way they'll work
no subject
Date: 2011-11-21 03:31 pm (UTC)You should have followed Gackt there and save the day!!!!!!!
i cant imagine the shock when You finds the body. -sobs-
i feel like killing the ghost myself but he's dead
no subject
Date: 2011-11-22 12:25 am (UTC)He's going to be crushed :(
Yeah... not much you can do against a ghost
no subject
Date: 2011-11-21 07:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-22 12:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-22 07:29 am (UTC)“Not obsessed,” Gackt said quietly. “I fell in love.”
“Sometimes they’re one in the same.”
Love these lines, they're so true~
Can't wait for tomorrow so I can read the finl chapter ^^
no subject
Date: 2011-11-22 06:22 pm (UTC)They really are
Looking forward to your comment!
no subject
Date: 2011-11-26 06:34 am (UTC)I bet You would be grieving over Gackt's dead body when he goes to find Gackt that never comes home. *snicker* thank you for not making this GxY/YxG. >:)
no subject
Date: 2011-11-27 03:01 pm (UTC)You is going to be very sad since he's been friends with Gackt since they were five. I never had any intentions of making this fic GacktxYou because this is all Gackt's dream and the one he loves in real life and the dream is Hyde.
no subject
Date: 2012-10-31 03:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-03 02:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-03 06:15 am (UTC)Yes, I guess it, and you managed to make it like so real. I shed tears after reading this T__T
no subject
Date: 2012-11-11 02:55 am (UTC)I wanted to make it as realistic as possible. Aw, I say that's an accomplishment on my part then XD That my work moves my readers to tears
no subject
Date: 2012-11-11 10:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-14 09:14 pm (UTC)Especially for the death scene... I'm awful at describing them but could visualize it so well