Breaking the Habit: 2/14
Aug. 22nd, 2012 10:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
write_my_dreams![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif){kind=small}
write_my_dreamslieben_kameRating: PG-13
Hyde woke with a start as he heard the door slam. He rubbed his eyes and noticed the TV was frozen on the menu of the DVD he’d been watching. He’d popped it in while Sakura was at work and must have fallen asleep during it. Hyde shut the TV off then sat up on the couch.
“Yacchan?” he stretched, smiling as his lover walked into the living room. His smile faded as he saw Sakura’s angry expression. Oh no… “How was work?”
“Terrible.”
Hyde turned over onto his side and patted the cushion. “Come here.” Sakura lay down next to him, making the bartender worry more as he felt how tense the other man was. What had happened? “Why?” Hyde wrapped himself around Sakura and laid his head on his shoulder.
“You know my boss is a bastard.” The bartender nodded since his lover frequently complained about the man. “After I worked four hours, I asked him if I could have a cigarette. He refused then told me I could smoke once I’d finished my shift. I can’t work eight hours without a cigarette. No smoker can. I told him that and he finally let me go, but complained that I was just wasting time. I wanted to tell him to fuck off, but I knew that’d get me fired. So I just took my smoke break. When I came back I was still pissed at him so wasn’t as ‘enthusiastic’ as I should have been. He lectured me again and said my attitude needed to change if I wanted to continue working there.” Sakura now looked murderous. “I’m looking for a new job tomorrow and the second I have something, I’m quitting.”
“Ugh,” Hyde grimaced. “He sounds terrible.”
“He is.” Sakura leaned over to take a pack of cigarettes off the coffee table. He opened the pack and took one out. “Do you want one?”
“Later.” Hyde pulled his lighter out of his pocket and lit the cigarette for him. They needed to talk about Sakura’s job and holding a lit cigarette while having a conversation was unpleasant.
The taller man took a drag and pressed him closer, blowing out the smoke. “You remember our conversation last week?”
Hyde nodded. Of course he did. “Yes.” They’d talked about their music dreams – how his had changed and why Sakura was questioning his. But his lover said he was fine with his life as long as Hyde was there with him. It didn’t seem like that was the case anymore though.
“I give up. Face it, Hyde. I won’t find a good band in Tokyo… and you stopped trying. So why are we still here? We should move to another city and find new dreams.” He glanced down at his smaller lover. “Or get you that place in the country you’ve always wanted. I’ll find a job… you could be an artist.”
Hyde bit his lip. “Yacchan, what are you saying?” a home in the country would be nice so he could draw without the distracting city noises, but he liked living in Tokyo. Even though it was expensive and crowded. Besides, Sakura had been born and raised in big cities. The small, quiet country towns would drive him crazy.
Sakura shifted so he could stub out his cigarette. “That there’s no point in staying in Tokyo.”
Hyde frowned and propped himself up on one elbow so he could look at his lover. “But, Yacchan, I don’t want to leave Tokyo.” He’d made good friends here and didn’t want to leave them or his job. Plus he would have to uproot his life again if he left. He’d already done that when he moved from Wakayama to Osaka and then Osaka to Tokyo. “And I know you.” Hyde kissed Sakura. “You’d be miserable if you admitted defeat and gave up on your dreams. So let’s stay in Tokyo. You’ll find a new band and a new job and be happy.” He stroked Sakura’s hair and gave him an encouraging smile. “Then you won’t want to leave.”
The taller man rolled off the couch. “I’ll only find more disappointment in Tokyo.”
Hyde sighed. “Yacchan.” He caught his lover’s arm and pulled him back. “Don’t give up on your dreams because your boss is an ass and you’re not in a band.”
Sakura pulled his arm free. “No, Hyde. My dreams are dying in Tokyo… just like yours did.”
The bartender frowned again. That wasn’t true. “My dreams aren’t dead, Yacchan.” Becoming a singer hadn’t been his only dream. “They’ve just changed. But I still want you to succeed. The first thing you need to do is look for a new job since you complain every time you come home from work. You’re miserable there and you’ll feel so much better with something you actually like.” But where could Sakura work? A bar, club, or live house would be better for him. “Why don’t you work at the bar with me? Two people quit so you could take one of their jobs. Then we could work nights together and actually see each other instead of me sleeping during the day like a vampire while you’re at work.”
Sakura managed a faint smile at the comparison. “Maybe. I’m going to go take a shower… I need to think.” He ruffled Hyde’s hair then walked away. The bartender sighed and looked after his lover, worrying about him. He knew Sakura was unhappy, but hadn’t realized that things had gotten this bad.
* * *
“Please be home,” Hyde mumbled. He’d just gotten back from grocery shopping and didn’t want to dig through his pockets for his keys. He shifted one of the bags so he could try the doorknob. Unlocked – Sakura was home. Hyde opened the door and stepped inside, setting his three bags down. “Yacchan, can you help me with the groceries?” he frowned as there was no response. Maybe Sakura was in the bathroom. Or sleeping.
The bartender tensed as he heard the sound of vomiting coming from the bathroom. Worried, he kicked off his shoes and rushed to the bathroom to make sure his lover was all right. He froze as he saw Sakura kneeling in front of the toilet with a tourniquet wrapped around his left arm. A spoon, lighter, and empty syringe lay next to him.
“Sakura!” Hyde said harshly. He was always Yacchan unless he made Hyde angry. “What the hell?” he knew what those tools meant…
Sakura coughed and wiped his mouth with some toilet paper. He flushed the toilet then glanced up at Hyde. He was very pale and looked terrible. “I tried heroin.”
The bartender clenched his fingers into fists. “Why the hell would you do that?” When they first started dating, Sakura had been open to experimenting with illegal substances. He quickly changed his ways since Hyde refused to date a man with a drug problem. “I’ll find a new lover if you bring drugs into our apartment again.”
“I wanted to feel good,” Sakura said simply. He got up and grasped the sink for support, legs shaking a little. “I heard heroin makes you feel euphoria so I tried it.”
“I can make you feel good!” Hyde snapped. “You don’t need to shove a needle into your arm to feel better.”
Sakura sighed. “I know.”
“Then why did you do it?” Hyde demanded. Sakura’s general unhappiness with his life was no excuse to start using drugs. Especially one as dangerous as heroin.
“I’m just… tired of feeling like a failure.” Sakura held up a hand to silence Hyde when he opened his mouth to protest. He’d never thought of his lover as a failure. “Look, I’ve lived in Tokyo for five years now. I thought coming here would bring me success, but I was wrong. My dreams are still out of reach. So I get depressed and feel like I’ve failed. I hate feeling like this and wanted to feel better.”
Hyde frowned. “Why didn’t you talk to me?” He was hurt that Sakura would turn to heroin instead of his lover of three years for comfort. Hyde could always go to Sakura when he had a problem and needed to talk. Why couldn’t he do the same?
The taller man sighed. “I don’t know. Sometimes I feel better when I talk to you, but then I feel miserable again because you’re so happy with your life and I’m not.”
Hyde raked his fingers through his hair. “That’s no excuse to try heroin though! Why don’t you have a drink like I do when I’m upset? Why did you have to turn to drugs?”
“Alcohol won’t fix my problems.”
“And heroin will?” Hyde retorted.
Sakura sighed. “I thought it would work better.”
Hyde took a deep breath and tried to calm down. Yelling wouldn’t improve the situation. It would probably make Sakura feel worse since he hated making Hyde angry. “Did someone tell you that heroin makes you feel euphoria?” He wanted to know if someone in Sakura’s life had encouraged him to try the drug or if it’d been his own idea.
“One of my co-workers. He hates our boss just as much as I do and he said heroin is the only thing that gets him through each day.”
Hyde closed his eyes. Do not snap. He had to be calm even though all he wanted to do was yell at Sakura for being an idiot, find that co-worker, punch him, and tell him to never speak to Sakura again. “Did this man tell you where to buy heroin?”
“Yes.” Sakura brushed his hair back.
“Where?”
“I bought it from a pair of dealers at a club.” Sakura gave him a regretful look. “I know you’re angry… and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I thought heroin would make me feel better, but I was wrong. It gave me a headache and I’ve been throwing up for the two hours. Trying it was a mistake that I won’t repeat.”
Hyde folded his arms over his chest. Most addicts weren’t interested in trying heroin again after a terrible first time, but went back to the needle anyway. “Isn’t that what everyone says?”
“I’m serious.” Sakura attempted to bring him into his arms, but Hyde stepped back. He wasn’t ready to be touched by his lover after this nasty discovery.
“Clean up in here and throw the heroin out. Then I’ll talk to you. Deal?”
“Deal.” Hyde watched as Sakura picked up the syringe, tourniquet, and tinfoil then threw them in the trash. Satisfied, he left the bathroom and returned to his groceries. Hyde carried his bags into the kitchen and unloaded them onto the counters. His thoughts returned to heroin as he put the groceries away. Hyde would never have guessed that Sakura would be so miserable about his failing dreams that he’d turn to heroin to feel better. With the other drugs, he’d stopped as soon as Hyde caught him using, yelled at him, and threatened to leave if the problem persisted.
“Any sane band leader would kick you out for playing with drugs! I know you’re just experimenting now, but if this continues you’ll become an addict and ruin your life. Is that what you want, Sakura? To waste away in drug euphoria?”
“No! Of course I don’t want that life.”
“And what about me? I’m your lover! Would you rather use drugs or be with me? It’s one or the other.” Sakura had kissed Hyde, gotten rid of the drugs, and promised he wouldn’t use anymore. Years had passed and the other man had never shown any desire to touch drugs again – until today.
Hyde sighed and brushed his hair back. Had it really just been two weeks since he came home from work and had an enjoyable morning with Sakura? He went to sleep thinking that life was good… but now this happened. Hyde slumped back against the counter. What a nightmare. He decided to take a walk and cool down before talking to Sakura. Hyde was too worked up to discuss this rationally. He put his shoes on and grabbed a jacket, shouting to Sakura that he was going out before leaving the apartment.
* * *
Hyde felt calmer when he returned an hour later. The walk had helped cool his head and he was no longer angry. Upset, hurt, a little betrayed… but not angry. He could discuss heroin with his lover without shouting now.
“Sakura?” Hyde wasn’t ready to call him Yacchan yet.
“Living room.”
Hyde found Sakura smoking on the couch. He sat next to his lover and studied him. Sakura looked better now that he wasn’t so pale. Hopefully his headache was gone too. “Are you still getting sick?”
“Not anymore.” Sakura offered him the cigarette. Hyde took it and leaned back against the cushions. He breathed out the smoke then fumbled in his pocket for his own pack. He’d gone through several cigarettes while pacing up and down the sidewalk in frustration. Hyde pulled one out then lit it, offering the cigarette to Sakura. “Thanks.” He brushed Hyde’s hair back and tentatively wrapped an arm around his waist. Sakura pressed him closer when he didn’t pull away.
They smoked in silence for a few minutes before Hyde lowered his cigarette. “Let’s talk.”
“All right.” Sakura stubbed out their cigarettes in the ash tray. “I just… feel like I’m in a rut. I have you and you’re amazing, but everything else in my life sucks. My job, no band… this isn’t what I expected to find in Tokyo. So I complained to my co-worker, and he told me about heroin. How it takes his stress away, keeps him calm, and always helps him feel better. I didn’t want anything to do with it at first, but work is driving me crazy. So I decided to try it.”
Hyde bit his lip and crawled into Sakura’s lap. “Drugs won’t make you feel better, Yacchan. They only cause more problems. And the more you use heroin, the easier it’ll be for you to get addicted. Which is the worst thing you could ever do.” He sighed softly. “Remember the documentary[1] we watched last month?”
Sakura wrapped his arms around Hyde’s waist. “I do.”
The bartender traced the veins in his lover’s arm. “It was awful to hear them talk about their overdoses and arrests, how their veins collapsed from injecting heroin all the time.” He shuddered at the thought. “How some of them got HIV from sharing needles… or died.” He pressed closer to Sakura. “Please don’t do that to yourself, Yacchan.” Hyde clutched his shirt. “Don’t do that to me. I’m begging you not to put heroin into our relationship.”
“I promised I wouldn’t.” Sakura stroked Hyde’s hair. “You were right about my dreams – I shouldn’t give up on them. I’ll start looking for a new band and a new job tomorrow. Life will get better once I have both.”
Hyde nodded. “If you can’t get a job with me, why don’t you try working at Ken’s club? I think you’d like it there.”
“Maybe I should.” Sakura looked thoughtful as he combed his fingers through Hyde’s hair.
“Should I visit you at work again?” Hyde used to do that, but Sakura always looked so miserable. He’d eventually asked Hyde not to come to the store anymore since he didn’t want the other man to see him like that. The bartender had respected his wishes and stayed away, but now wondered if he should visit him to make sure he had company.
Sakura shook his head. “I’ll be fine.”
Hyde sighed. “All right. Just… promise me I won’t come home and find you high again.”
Sakura kissed the top of his head. “That won’t happen.” There was so much sincerity in his voice that Hyde believed him. Even though he was afraid that Sakura would follow the path of every heroin addict who’d had a bad first experience, used again, and fallen into a heroin hell they couldn’t escape from.
* * *
Hyde unlocked the door and stepped inside, rubbing his eyes. He was so tired… he should be asleep in bed, not just coming home. Things hadn’t worked that way tonight. His boss had asked him to stay an additional three hours because the girl who worked the morning shift would be late. Hyde had already been tired, but didn’t protest. He could always use the extra money. Staying longer had been pointless though. Most of the customers had already left to catch some sleep or get ready for work, leaving the bar practically empty. Coffee, not alcohol, was the go-to beverage in the morning.
“Yacchan, I’m home,” Hyde called. Sakura would be getting ready for work by now. They would have time for a few kisses, then he’d leave and Hyde wouldn’t see Sakura until the end of his shift. But then the bartender would have to get ready for work. Times like this made him despise their opposing schedules.”
“I’m in the bedroom.”
Probably getting dressed. Hyde headed towards the bedroom. He was too tired to think about brushing his teeth or washing his face. All he wanted to do was curl up in bed and pass out. Hyde froze in the doorway, tiredness vanishing as soon as he saw Sakura. The taller man was lying in bed, tourniquet wrapped around his arm as he smoked a cigarette. An empty spoon and syringe lay next to him. Sakura looked peaceful and had clearly reached the heroin euphoria he’d been denied last time.
“Sakura!” Hyde stormed up to his lover. “What the hell?”
“Mm?”
Hyde glared at him. “You promised!” He’d been afraid his lover would break the promise, but in the end had believed him. So much for that…
Sakura gave him a disarming smile. “Why are you so angry?”
“Because you promised you wouldn’t do heroin again!” Hyde seethed.
“Oh…” Sakura frowned. “I wanted to see if it’d make me feel good this time. And it did! So don’t be angry, Hydee.” He smiled again.
“Don’t call me that when you’re high.” Because of his princess look, Sakura liked to call him Hydee. It was an affectionate nickname that felt like an insult when he was in this state.
“You’re so tense. I have some heroin left; try it and you’ll feel better.”
Hyde’s jaw dropped. Sakura had the audacity to suggest he try heroin while they were fighting about it? “Over my dead body,” he snarled. He would never try heroin. Hyde hadn’t participated in Sakura’s early experiments since he didn’t want to risk overdosing or becoming addicted. And he definitely didn’t want to be arrested if the police found him with drugs.
Sakura shrugged and resumed smoking. “Suit yourself.”
Hyde scowled at his lover. “I take it you’re not going to work?”
“Called in sick.”
Disgusted, Hyde grabbed his pajamas and stalked out. It was impossible to reason with Sakura when he was high so a conversation would have to wait. Hyde changed in the bathroom and tossed his uniform in the laundry basket. He then brushed his teeth and washed his face. Hyde went to the guest room afterwards, taking the futon out of the closet. He rolled it out and lay down. He refused to stay in the same bed as Sakura when he was high.
* * *
It was late afternoon by the time Hyde awoke. He frowned as he realized he was lying in his own bed instead of the guest room’s futon. Sakura must have moved him so he’d be more comfortable. Hyde sighed and rolled out of bed. His lover had probably come off his high by now since he’d thought of Hyde’s comfort. Now that he was himself again they should talk about what happened… but the bartender didn’t want to. The morning’s betrayal was still too raw.
Hyde pulled clean clothes out of the dresser then went into the bathroom. He replayed the morning’s events as he showered. Part of him had known Sakura would try heroin even though he’d hoped his lover would keep his promise. So many addicts were driven by curiosity and tried heroin again to see if they could get that blissful high at last. It was usually impossible for them to return to a drugless life after that. Hyde was terrified that that would happen to Sakura. They needed to talk, but he wanted see Ken first. He’d ask the other man about giving Sakura a job… then come back and discuss things with his lover.
The bartender shut the water off and got out of the shower. He grabbed his towel, drying his body and hair before getting dressed. Hyde then wrapped the towel around his long hair so it could dry a little more while he brushed his teeth. He didn’t feel like taking the time to blow dry it today. Once his teeth were clean he pulled the towel off. His hair was a mess from being wrapped up, but just needed to be tamed with a comb. Hyde put the comb back when he was done. There. Now he could see Ken.
Hyde left the bathroom, stopping abruptly as he saw a regretful-looking Sakura in the hallway. He’d obviously been waiting there. “Hey… can we talk about this morning?”
“I don’t want to talk to you right now.”
“Please.” Sakura caught Hyde’s shoulder as he walked by and turned him around. “We need to talk.”
“Fine,” Hyde said shortly. There was no point in fighting since Sakura was right. “You promised you wouldn’t use heroin again so why did I find you strung out on our bed?”
“It was a one-time thing,” Sakura insisted.
Hyde bristled. Now he wanted to lie? “I’ve caught you twice so you can’t use the ‘this is a one-time thing’ excuse anymore. Answer my questions honestly. Are you going to run from your problems and become a drug addict? Hide in heroin euphoria because you’re too drug addled to realize that new problems are building up?”
“No! I swear that won’t happen.”
The bartender turned away. “Why should I believe you?” Sakura looked and sounded as sincere as he had when he’d promised not to use heroin again, but look how that had turned out. Hyde was less trusting this time. He wasn’t sure if he could believe his lover’s promises anymore… which scared him. Hyde had always been able to trust Sakura. Until now.
Sakura caught his arm and pulled him back. “Please talk to me.”
“There’s nothing more to say!” Hyde scowled. “You whine about your life so I tell you to look for new bands and jobs, but you shoot up instead of trying!” Sakura’s problems weren’t going to magically disappear; he’d have to put effort into improving his life. “Heroin can’t make your life better, Sakura. It’ll only make it worse.”
Sakura pulled Hyde into his arms. “I know. I promise I won’t use again.”
The bartender wrenched away. “Don’t hold me while you lie to me.”
“I’m not lying,” Sakura protested. “This morning was a horrible mistake. I’d turn back time and stop myself from using if I could. I can’t though so all I can do is regret what I did. And I do regret it. I’m really sorry for doing this to you, Hyde. Bringing heroin into our lives was wrong so please give me a chance to fix things.”
Hyde frowned. “I still don’t understand why you did it. I said I could help you feel better, but you didn’t come to me. You shot up instead. How do you think that makes me feel? We’re a couple so we should be confiding in each other when we have problems! Why won’t you do it?”
“I do talk to you,” Sakura insisted. “We talked about work, remember?”
Hyde sighed. “We sort of did. You left to go shower though and didn’t feel like talking about it afterwards. I don’t feel like I helped you. Still, you seemed to be feeling better afterwards so I thought you’d be happier. Then I found you high again.” He gave Sakura a stern look. “Why didn’t you tell me you were so miserable? I can’t help you feel better if you don’t talk to me!”
Sakura sighed and attempted to embrace him again. “I know. Like I said, it’s just… hard to confide in you sometimes.”
Hyde pulled away. “We’re a couple, Sakura. If you want this relationship to work then you need to communicate with me.” Poor communication was a big reason why so many relationships failed. Sakura had to feel comfortable about discussing his problems with Hyde. Otherwise he wouldn’t be able to help his lover.
“All right.”
The bartender sighed and raked his fingers through his hair. That didn’t sound like much of an agreement. “I’m going out… don’t let me catch you high again.”
“I got rid of everything while you were in the shower.” Sakura walked Hyde to the door, watching as he put on his shoes. “When will you be home?”
“I don’t know.” Hyde needed to visit Ken and see if Sakura could work for him. And get a drink… or two.
“All right. Call me when you’re on your way home, okay?”
“Fine.” Hyde grabbed his wallet, keys, and phone then shut the door behind him. Part of him wondered if leaving Sakura alone was a good idea, but the rest was too upset to be in the same room as him. Talking to Ken would make him feel better.
Hyde took the train to his friend’s club. It was only 16:30[2] so the main crowd wouldn’t be arriving for another few hours. Good, he’d have plenty of time to talk to Ken. Once Hyde reached the club he took out his wallet and showed his pass to the bouncer. Ken gave his friends special passes that allowed them to enter the club for free and gave them discounts on food and drinks. The bouncer glanced at the pass then opened the door for him. “Enjoy.”
“I will.” Hyde walked inside. A group of college girls had congregated near the entrance and were talking loudly about boys. Hyde made a face as he passed them and started looking for Ken. Where was he?
“Hyde!” the bartender jumped and turned to face his friend. “I haven’t seen you here in ages. Is Sakura too busy pounding you to let you have a social life?” Ken always teased Hyde about his sex life to make him blush and squirm. Usually it worked, but not today. Ken’s smile faded at Hyde’s expression. “What’s wrong?”
“I’ll tell you once I’ve had a drink.” He needed alcohol before he could talk about this.
Ken frowned. “All right. Let’s go to the bar then.” He led Hyde to the bar and sat down with him. His bartender, an attractive young woman in her early twenties, noticed them and quickly walked up to them.
“Hello. What would you like to drink?” she asked, giving them a charming smile.
“Nothing for me. Hyde?”
“I’ll have a Corona.” He’d thought about ordering something strong, like whiskey, but knew he’d end up drinking too much from stress. Hyde didn’t have the greatest alcohol tolerance so limited himself to one or two drinks when he went out. Especially tonight. Telling Sakura not to do drugs when was tipsy would be so hypocritical.
“Coming right up,” she said cheerfully. She brought the beer and cracked the cap off for him. “Here you go. Let me know if you need anything else.”
Hyde nodded and took a drink. Mm… alcohol. “I’m here because of Sakura.” He sighed as he glanced at Ken. “He’s miserable. He hates his job, he’s not in a band, and he’s thinking about leaving Tokyo.” Hyde sipped his beer again. “I don’t want to leave Tokyo so I convinced him to stay. I encouraged him to keep chasing his dreams and thought things had changed… but I was wrong.” Sakura was confusing him. He wanted to give up on his dreams, he wanted to keep fighting, then he was depressed and wanted to give up again. What did Sakura want?
“Really?” Ken looked concerned. “I knew he was unhappy, but I didn’t know things had gotten this bad.” Despite his teasing he was a good friend and always listened if Hyde needed to talk.
“They’re worse than either of us thought.” Hyde bit his lip and looked down at his beer. “He… he’s used heroin twice this week.”
Ken sucked in a breath. “What?”
Hyde winced. “Yacchan had a bad reaction the first time he tried it. It gave him a headache and he was throwing up for a couple hours. We talked and he promised he wouldn’t do it again. I know that’s what every junkie says, but I wanted to believe him. He convinced me that it was a one-time thing… but I found him strung out on our bed when I came home from work today.”
Ken laid his hand on Hyde’s shoulder. “Have you talked to him?”
“A little. I wouldn’t talk to Yacchan when he was high so I went to bed. I was still too upset to speak to him when I woke up, but he wouldn’t let me leave without talking about heroin. I just… didn’t want to be there though. So I came here.” Hyde took another sip of beer then looked up at Ken. “I know Yacchan will be much happier if he finds a job that suits his interests. Could he work here?” A club would be perfect for Sakura. “If not I’ll talk to my boss and see if Yacchan could work with me.”
Ken ruffled his hair. “I think your boss would go crazy if both of you worked for him. You’d be too busy making out with Sakura to make drinks.”
Hyde pouted. “No I wouldn’t!”
“I’m sure you would,” Ken teased. “But I do have some openings. I’ll give Sakura a call tomorrow and see if he’d like to work here.”
“Thank you,” Hyde said. Once his lover had a new job he’d be happier, which would make it easier to find a band.
“You’re welcome. Sakura’s so miserable at that shitty job of his… he’ll feel much better with something new. Something he actually likes instead of a dead end job that just pays the bills.” Ken made a face. “We’ve all been there.”
Hyde managed to laugh. “That’s true.”
“It’s fun to compare bad job stories though.” Ken became serious again. “Feel free to stay here as long as you want. I’ll talk to Sakura tomorrow and have him come down here. Then we’ll see if he can work something out. I don’t want him to try heroin for a third time.”
Hyde shuddered at the thought. “I… I’m afraid he’ll get addicted if he keeps shooting up.” He loved Sakura so much but could he stay if the other man became addicted to heroin? Addicts only cared about getting more heroin. Lovers and careers were pushed to the side. Hyde might have to leave him if that happened. He could only hope it wouldn’t come to that since he couldn’t imagine going to bed with someone else. He and Sakura had their fights and problems, but they were happy with each other.
Ken rubbed his back. “I know. All we can do is make Sakura’s life better so he won’t want to use heroin again.”
Hyde nodded. “You’re right.” He picked up his beer and finished it. Alcohol was always good for soothing his nerves, but he would limit himself to just one drink tonight.
Ken glanced at the empty bottle. “Do you want another?”
“Well… I do… but it’s hypocritical to scold Sakura about heroin if I’m having multiple beers.”
“Good point,” Ken laughed. “How about you try my new dessert instead? I’m sure you’ll love it. It’s a fudge brownie covered in chocolate sauce and caramel.”
Hyde smiled. “Thanks, Ken-chan. For helping… and I’d love to try the dessert.”
“Thought so.” Ken waved the bartender over and ordered the brownie for Hyde. He switched the topic to music while they waited. Hyde was grateful for the lighter subject and felt better as he chatted with Ken. After dessert he’d go home and talk to Sakura. He was calmer now and could handle discussing heroin and life in Tokyo with his lover. Ken would talk to him about working in the club tomorrow, and if that didn’t work then Sakura would find something else. And Sakura would never think about using heroin again once he had a new band and job.
Notes[1] Thinking of the "Heroin in the Heartland" episode of the My America series with Lisa Ling
[2] I've decided to use a 24 hour time. I need to brainwash myself into recognizing these times before I go abroad so incorporating it into my writing will help
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Date: 2012-08-23 04:06 pm (UTC)It becomes more interesting and so... unusual
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Date: 2012-08-23 09:21 pm (UTC)Heroin is part of this story for a while now. It's... challenging to write about addiction, but it's something new for me. Something interesting.
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Date: 2012-08-24 08:04 am (UTC)Again, I love the realistic touch to it. It was quite unexpected though, the first time Hyde found Sakura with the heroin. It was so out of the blue, and I guess that's okay since for Hyde it felt like that too. xD Although for him, it's probably not THAT big a step, since Sakura apparently used something before, to experiment. But still. Poor thing *hugs Hyde* *hugs Sakura because he's miserable and the silly man won't let Hyde help him*
I think I'll seriously like the way you're going to write addiction. You spend attention to realistic details and that makes it very interesting (and helpful) to read. Thank you~
*hugs you just because*
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Date: 2012-08-24 02:55 pm (UTC)Hopefully... it's hard to write about >< I've had to redo Chapter 4 I believe 4 times now? I didn't know much about heroin when I started writing this so I want to have lots of realistic details in here. Thank you! And you're welcome
*Hugs you too*
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Date: 2012-08-25 07:47 am (UTC)What I actually wanted to say, this fic is awesome! The angsty the better nyahahaha!!
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Date: 2012-08-25 04:29 pm (UTC)Bad Yacchan indeed. No... Hyde shouldn't believe him. He just wants things to be normal though so he will anyway.
Thank you! Haha yeah, I wrote way too much fluff/romance/smut in fanfiction so I've gone to the angst side with my AU works. It's much more filling to write those.