Breaking the Habit: 4.2/14
Oct. 4th, 2012 03:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
write_my_dreamsTitle: Breaking the Habit
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif){kind=small}
write_my_dreamslieben_kameThe fourth day was as bad as Hyde expected it to be. Sakura’s physical and mental state continued to decline and his desire to quit was fading. He constantly asked the bartender to buy him heroin, but Hyde always refused. Despite this, Sakura’s determination to obtain heroin didn’t falter and he made repeated attempts to leave the apartment. Whenever Hyde caught him and forced him back to bed, Sakura told him he was a terrible lover for refusing to help him. The words were starting to eat at Hyde and he wondered if it wasn’t just the withdrawals talking after all. Did Sakura really think he was a bad lover?
Hyde pushed the thoughts away and carried a glass of water into the bedroom. He had to go back to work tomorrow and found that he was looking forward to it. Hyde could temporarily escape this negative environment and go to the positive atmosphere of the bar. He liked his boss and co-workers and enjoyed talking to the customers. It was a nice distraction from how bad things were at home.
“Hey, Yacchan.” Sakura was in bed as usual. He rarely moved from that spot since it hurt his muscles too much. “Are you thirsty?”
Sakura scratched a track mark on his arm. “No.”
“Have some anyway. I don’t want you to get dehydrated.” The withdrawal was still making Sakura sweat, but he didn’t want to drink anything. Whenever the bartender pushed him to have some water, Sakura said he’d drink it once Hyde brought him heroin.
“I’ll drink all the water and tea you want if you buy heroin.”
“No,” Hyde said firmly.
Sakura scowled. “Just admit that you don’t love me then. A real lover would have brought heroin by now. But you continue to deny me.” He brushed his sweaty hair back. “This is your fault. You’re the one making me suffer.”
Hyde rolled his eyes. “Stop being overdramatic. I already told you that I’d have left a long time ago if I didn’t love you.”
“Stop being heartless and buy me heroin!”
Hyde raked his fingers through his hair. He was so tired of the complaining and constant insults. Sakura would regret the harsh words once he was clean, but until then Hyde would be hearing more of them. All he could do was reject his lover’s demands. “Stop being a whiny bastard and take care of yourself!” He sat down on the edge of the bed and felt Sakura’s forehead. The fever had finally broken a few hours ago, but he still had the chills. Yet another common symptom for withdrawing addicts.
Sakura caught his hand. “I will if you buy me heroin. Just one hit, Hyde. That’s all I need. One more hit and the world will be good again.”
“You won’t be satisfied with just one.” Hyde sighed. “You know I can’t and won’t buy heroin, so stop pressuring me. Take another bath and try to get some sleep. You need the rest.”
Sakura turned his back on him. “I need heroin more.”
“No you don’t.” He couldn’t see it now, but he would someday.
* * *
Sakura’s health and attitude grew worse throughout the day. His symptoms had peaked and would last until his body finally overcame its need for heroin. Hyde did his best to ignore his lover, but the poisonous words were sinking into his armor and making him doubt himself. He thought of all the times he’d snapped at Sakura for using, wondering if the words hurt as badly as the ones Sakura used against him. Surely they didn’t…Hyde had never been so cruel to him.
Since his verbal assault wasn’t working, Sakura tried a new tactic. He kept trying to leave the apartment when Hyde wasn’t in the room. The bartender was faster and always stopped him in time. Sakura resorted to verbal barbs again when Hyde brought him back to bed.
“You want me to suffer. You like seeing me suffer. You think I deserve it for doing drugs and ignoring you. Isn’t that right, Hyde? All the times you warned me that I’d get addicted if I kept using. I did, and look what I’ve gotten myself into. You could help me though. All you have to do is buy heroin… but you won’t. Because you’re selfish and you don’t love me.”
Despite his initial strength, Hyde found himself close to tears as the day wore on and the emotional stabs got worse. Finally, he decided he needed a break. Hyde locked Sakura in their room to prevent him from leaving and then took a long shower. The hot water helped him feel a little better, but the good feeling wouldn’t last once he was with Sakura again. Hyde took his time, delaying seeing Sakura again. Finally he had to go check on Sakura. He couldn’t avoid his lover forever… even though it was tempting.
Hyde unlocked the door and stepped into the bedroom. He braced himself for another verbal assault, but relaxed a little as he saw his lover. Sakura now looked miserable instead of angry. He glanced up at Hyde, expression changing to guilt.
“I’m sorry I’ve been so cruel to you.” Hyde appreciated the apology, but kept his guard up. Glaring, demanding heroin, and trying to leave wasn’t working so Sakura would try to be sweet now. “I didn’t mean the terrible things I said. You’re amazing and I couldn’t ask for a better lover. You know that, right?”
Hyde sighed. “I know. It’s hard to believe it when you’re constantly snarling at me though.”
Sakura patted the edge of the bed. “Come here.” The bartender obeyed, and Sakura took his hands. “I’m really sorry I’m taking everything out on you. I’m just… desperate for heroin. I want this to end because I feel horrible and I hate it. But I love you.” He squeezed Hyde’s hands. “I just want things to be normal again.”
“I want things to be normal too,” Hyde said quietly. “The way they were before you got hooked on heroin.” He studied Sakura. “How do you feel?”
“Terrible.” He laced their fingers together and shifted to lay his head in Hyde’s lap. “It’s like being in a nightmare I can’t wake up from. I’m trying to get through this… but it’s so hard. I keep thinking about heroin and how good I’d feel if I had some. It’d take away this pain and sickness and make me feel amazing. I miss that feeling, Hyde.” Sakura looked up at him. “I miss it so much. I miss feeling good. I feel like I’m dying now and I hate it.”
Hyde winced. “I know you do.”
Sakura squeezed his hand again. “I want to get better.”
“You’ll get better once you make it through the withdrawal period. Just keep fighting until then.” Hyde braced himself for more insults or demands for heroin. He knew they were coming.
“Why won’t you buy me heroin?”
Hyde sighed. So much for sweet Sakura. “How many times do I have to repeat myself? You must quit heroin. Otherwise your life is over. You’re keeping a job and a relationship for now, but that won’t last forever. You know that. I love you, but if you keep using heroin… then I don’t know how long I can stay.”
Sakura frowned. “You’re going to leave me?”
“I might have to if you keep using,” Hyde said quietly. He loved Sakura so much and wanted to stay, but loving an addict was like sharing them with another person. Relationships like that rarely lasted.
Sakura turned over and laid his head on the pillow again. “Why don’t you just leave then since that’s what you want?”
“I don’t want to leave you, Yacchan.” Hyde laid his hand on Sakura’s shoulder. “I’m just warning you since you aren’t realistic about your future. You can’t shoot up at work and it’s hard to go so many hours without a hit. But you can’t risk compromising your job. If you lose it, you won’t have any money coming in. If we’re still together we’ll drain our savings paying for bills and heroin. So what will you do when you run out of money? Friends and family aren’t going to enable you. You’d have to find a new job or get money some other way.” Sakura needed to realize his future was bleak if he couldn’t beat his addiction.
The taller man shrugged his hand off. “Don’t comfort me when you’re talking about leaving.” He scowled and brushed his sweaty hair back. “And I’m not helpless; I’d find money somehow.” Sakura abruptly changed the subject. “You go back to work tomorrow?”
Hyde was surprised. “Yes,” he said, feeling wary. Sakura wouldn’t be happy about that…
“Fine. Abandon me while I’m suffering because you refuse to help me.”
Hyde sighed. “I’m not abandoning you. I need to work so I can afford my car and my share of the bills. Ken-chan and Tet-chan will be here while I’m at the bar so they’ll look after you.”
“It’s not about the money. You just don’t want to be around me.” Sakura turned over to face him again. “You’re tired of hearing how horrible you are. Hearing the truth hurts, doesn’t it? You won’t help or support me; you just want me to get over heroin. You can’t even quit smoking though so how do you expect me to quit heroin easily?”
Hyde gritted his teeth. Smoking was a point of contention between them.
Sakura snorted. “Of course, there’s nothing wrong with your addiction.”
Hyde scowled. He was tired of this. “Stop treating me like this,” he snapped. “Yeah I look forward to being at the bar again because I’m tired of the constant verbal abuse. I don’t deserve this, and you know it.”
“And I don’t deserve to be tortured like this.”
Hyde clenched his fists. “You brought this on yourself by using. You played with fire and got burned and now you’re facing the consequences. So just… try to get some sleep. And drink your water,” he snapped. “I’ll have to take you to the hospital if you keep getting dehydrated.”
Sakura scowled but did drink some of the water. Both of them hated hospitals and going to a hospital in this state wouldn’t be good. He drained the water then sat up with renewed determination in his eyes. “Fine, since you won’t buy me heroin I’ll go buy it.”
Hyde shoved him back down on the bed. “You can barely get out of the bathtub; how do you expect to get to the club?”
“I’ll do it,” Sakura snapped. He slapped Hyde’s hand away and got up, snatching his wallet. Desperation overcame his body’s weakness and gave him strength. “I’m getting heroin.”
“No, you’re not!” Hyde grabbed his arm. Sakura rarely made it past the bathroom before the bartender overpowered him and brought him back to bed. Despite being smaller, he was stronger at the moment since Sakura was weak from lack of food and sleep. He pulled on Sakura’s arm, gasping as the other man abruptly turned and shoved him against the wall with surprising force.
“Buy me heroin or I’ll do it myself.” Sakura gripped Hyde’s arms tightly. He winced in pain as the taller man’s nails dug into his skin. “You think I can’t make it there, but I’d do anything to get heroin. And the longer this goes on, the angrier I’ll be since you won’t help me!” Sakura gave him a dark look. “Lovers are supposed to be there when their partner needs them. But you haven’t done that for me, so how can you call yourself my lover?”
Hyde flinched. His tough façade was starting to crumble under the repeated attacks. “Yacchan, stop. Let me go.” He struggled to break free, but Sakura kept him pinned to the wall.
“I won’t let you go until you agree to buy me heroin. I need it. I need it like you need your cigarettes. How many times have I bought you a pack because you ran out? I didn’t make you suffer nicotine withdrawals. I love you, so I bought you more cigarettes to make you happy.” Sakura frowned. “But you don’t want me to be happy. You don’t care that I’m so sick I can’t eat or sleep. That it hurts to move and I feel like hell. You just don’t care.”
Hyde bit his lip. How could Sakura compare heroin to cigarettes? They were as different as night and day. “I do care, Yacchan. I hate seeing you like this and I do want to help you. But the only way I can help is by denying you heroin. You know I’m right, so stop being so cruel to me,” he said, his voice cracking. Hyde would always curl up in Sakura’s arms when he was upset, but he wouldn’t find any love there today. Not unless he brought him heroin.
“I don’t believe you.” Sakura pulled back and left the bedroom. Hyde chased after him, alarmed by his lover’s determination. He’d have to keep fighting Sakura until his common sense returned.
“Yacchan, please go back to bed.”
“No.” Sakura put his shoes on and grabbed his keys, glaring at Hyde as he tried to take them. “You can’t stop me.”
“You’re not going anywhere!” The bartender threw his arms around Sakura’s waist and clutched him tightly so he couldn’t get to the door.
Sakura broke his hold on him. “Yes I am.” He shoved Hyde away.
“No!” Hyde threw himself at his lover again. He thought he was stronger, but Sakura was proving him wrong. How could he get him back to bed if he couldn’t even hold on to him?
Sakura pulled away once more. “Yes.” He pushed the bartender back and opened the door.
Hyde seized his arm, biting his lip. He couldn’t believe he was doing this. “I… I… I’ll do it,” he whispered. It was safer to give Sakura heroin than have him go out in this condition. Hyde would follow of course and try to stop him, but Sakura was a desperate man. He’d fight Hyde off and find a way to lose him – ducking onto a crowded sidewalk or getting on the train before him – and then collapse on the way to the club. He’d never make it there.
Sakura paused. “You’ll buy me heroin?” He turned to face Hyde.
“Yes.” The bartender sighed as he looked up at his lover. “I’m only buying you enough to get you through tomorrow though.” There was no point in buying enough just for one hit since Sakura would want more and this whole cycle would repeat itself.
“That’s fine.” Sakura’s hands were shaking with excitement as he took the yen out of his wallet and gave it to Hyde. “Shiro and Takeshi are always by the bar. Takeshi has spiky black hair and is a little taller than Shiro. Shiro’s blonde, but he needs to re-bleach his hair. He’s got piercings all the way up his ears. They shouldn’t be hard to find.” Sakura also handed Hyde his work pass. “Take this; it’ll get you into the club for free and you won’t have to wait in line.”
“All right.” Hyde tucked the pass and yen into his wallet. “Go lay down,” he said quietly. “You need to rest.”
Sakura smiled. “You’re amazing, Hyde.”
The bartender flinched. He wasn’t amazing. He was a small, weak man who couldn’t force his ailing lover back to bed. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.” Hyde put his boots and jacket on before taking Sakura’s keys. He stepped out into the hallway and closed the door behind him, slumping back against it. How had Sakura manipulated him into this position?
* * *
You’re an enabler. You know this is wrong. It’s your fault your lover’s going to stay addicted. The words echoed through Hyde’s mind as he drove to the club. Taking the train would be faster, but he couldn’t handle being around people right now. He needed to be alone.
Enabler. Enabler.
Hyde shuddered and turned the radio on. He knew he should drive back and continue taking care of Sakura. Forcing him back to bed was impossible so Hyde should have tried to knock him out and drag him to their room. Handcuffing him to the bed was also another option that would prevent him from leaving… but then Sakura would constantly fight to get free and probably make himself feel worse. However, the withdrawals would eventually ease up, Sakura would begin to recover and his heroin cravings would be gone.
The bartender looked at the road. If he turned right at the stop sign, he could circle back to the apartment. He moved to flip his turn signal, then sighed. I can’t do it. Hyde couldn’t go back and crush his lover. He couldn’t knock Sakura out and handcuff him to bed, making him a literal prisoner of withdrawal. It was too cruel.
It took about twenty minutes to reach the club without traffic. But Tokyo was infamous for its traffic jams so it was actually a forty-minute commute. He couldn’t avoid getting stuck in traffic twice, which drained his already limited supply of patience. Hyde drummed his fingers on the steering wheel in irritation. He really should have taken the train. Or he could get off at this exit, park his car, and walk to the club. It’d be much faster. Finally traffic let up and he was able to reach the club without further delays. Hyde found a place to park on the street and got out of the car, locking it behind him.
It had been a while since he last came here. The club was the last building on the street with an abandoned warehouse behind it, a cheap coffee shop to the right, and a seedy alley running between the buildings. Sakura said drug dealers and prostitutes liked to meet with customers in the alley and the warehouse. Hyde took great care to avoid them when he came here.
The bartender sighed and headed towards the club. A small line had built up in front of the building. A bouncer waited out front, collecting money and checking IDs to make sure people were of age. Hyde didn’t bother to wait in line. He flashed Sakura’s work pass to the man, who let him in without complaint. The slim man looked around the club. Loud rock music blared from the speakers and people appeared as shadowy figures in the dim lighting. A neon sign on the far wall indicated that the bar, where Shiro and Takeshi would be, was underneath it.
Hyde started to weave his way through the crowd. Most of the people here were men, but he could see the occasional group of girls or couples dancing together. He appreciated Sakura’s warning as he felt a hand glide up his thigh.
“Don’t visit me at work anymore. I love seeing you, but I worry too much when you’re here. This isn’t a good place… and you’re so beautiful, Hyde. I don’t want some creep staring at you or trying to feel you up.”
“Hey, gorgeous.” The hand grasped his hip and stopped him. “Looking for someone?”
Hyde turned to see a balding, middle-aged man in a cheap suit. He held a beer in his free hand and his face was flushed from the alcohol he’d consumed. “No.” He shoved the man’s hand off his hip and hurried away. Sometimes he disliked his princess image – as Sakura described it – since it always attracted creeps.
He continued towards the bar, finally seeing two men that matched the descriptions Sakura had given him. Takeshi and Shiro, as expected, were leaning against the wall by the bar. Takeshi wore ripped jeans and looked bored as he smoked a cigarette. His spiky hair reminded Hyde of a hedgehog. Shiro was leaning in to talk to him and definitely needed to re-bleach his hair. His black hair was slowly taking over the blonde. Both men wore leather jackets and t-shirts.
Hyde paused in front of them. “Are you Shiro and Takeshi?”
Takeshi glanced up and removed his cigarette. “Who wants to know?”
“Sakura.” Hyde shifted uncomfortably as Shiro’s eyes travelled up his body. The blonde studied every curve with lustful appreciation and licked his lips.
“Well isn’t Sakura lucky to have such a beauty in his life,” Shiro purred.
Takeshi punched his arm. “Sakura, huh? I thought he was through with us. Unless you want to try heroin now?”
“Never.” Hyde shuddered at the thought. “Sakura… he tried to quit, but he couldn’t handle the withdrawals.” He took his wallet out of his jacket pocket and ignored the voice that shouted, “You’re enabling him!”
“How much does he need?”
“Enough to get him through tomorrow.” Hyde scowled as he noticed that Shiro was still undressing him with his eyes. “Take a picture,” he snapped. “It’ll last longer and can’t tell you to fuck off.” The best way to handle a creep was to be fierce. Acting submissive only provoked them.
“Ohh, feisty.” Shiro looked pleased.
Takeshi hit his arm again and gave him a disgusted look. He obviously didn’t share his partner’s interest in men. “Do you have enough cash?”
“How much do you need?”
Takeshi told him. Hyde grimaced at the price. What a waste of money… he counted out Sakura’s yen and gave it to the dark-haired dealer. It was just enough to afford the drugs. Takeshi checked to make sure it was the right amount and then tucked it into his pocket. Hyde held his hand out for the heroin, frowning as Takeshi smirked. What now?
“Not yet, princess. I need another ten thousand yen. Consider it a cancellation fee.”
Hyde scowled. He tolerated his friends calling him princess, but no one else was allowed to do so. He looked through his wallet and shook his head. “I don’t have ten thousand yen.”
“How much do you have?”
“Four thousand.”
Shiro smirked and reached out to run his hand through Hyde’s hair. “I’ll give you the six thousand if you let me have this pretty body for an hour.”
Hyde smacked his hand away. “Don’t make me sick,” he scoffed. “Besides, you’d have to pay six million to even dream of touching me.”
Shiro grinned. “Let the princess have the drugs. Sakura can pay up when he comes back for more tomorrow.”
“Fine, give me the four thousand.” Takeshi held out his hand. Hyde reluctantly gave him his yen. It killed him to use his own money to pay for Sakura’s drugs. He could have used it on groceries or gas money… “Tell Sakura to come here with the rest tomorrow. Same place, same time.”
“I will.”
Shiro took two heroin packets out of his jacket. “Come here, princess.”
“No. Just give me the drugs.” Hyde extended his hand. He had already paid and wasn’t in the mood for their games.
Shiro just laughed. “I like you, princess. You’re tough.” He chuckled softly as he dropped the packets into Hyde’s hand, trailing his fingers up his arm. “Don’t forget my offer,” he said seductively.
The bartender rolled his eyes. “Fuck off!” He turned away and headed back towards the club entrance, conscious of Shiro’s eyes boring into him the entire time. Hyde held back a shiver. Usually he just had to snarl at a creep to make them back off, but that tactic wouldn’t work with this man.
* * *
Hyde unlocked the door and stepped inside. “I’m home.” He shut and locked the door, jumping as he saw Sakura in front of him. He hadn’t heard his lover approach.
“Where’s my heroin?”
Hyde sighed as he hung up the keys. No hello, no welcome home. Just a demand for the drugs. “Right here.” He took the packets out of his jacket pocket and gave them to Sakura. His lover looked relieved.
“Thank you.” Sakura surprised him by pulling him into a brief hug.
Hyde winced. “You’re welcome. Just… go. Shoot up and feel better.”
Sakura briefly stroked his side, then went into the bedroom. Hyde took off his boots and jacket, feeling disgusted with himself. Enabler. He lingered in the entryway for a while then went into the bedroom. Sakura was sitting on the bed with his kit spread around him. Hyde sat down next to him, feeling numb as he studied his lover. A tourniquet was in place around Sakura’s left arm and the skin shone slightly since he’d just cleaned it. A syringe lay in his lap and he was holding a spoon mixed with heroin powder and water.
Sakura didn’t look up. “You sure you want to watch this?”
Hyde bit his lip. He always left the room when Sakura was going to inject heroin since he couldn’t bear the sight of the needle sinking into his lover’s skin. Hyde hated the transformation from his Sakura to the high version. “I don’t, but I’m responsible for this.” Watching Sakura get high was his punishment for buying heroin.
“All right.” Sakura smiled as he clicked his lighter and held it under the spoon. Relief was so near. His hands started trembling from his desire to shoot up again, threatening to spill the mixture. Hyde laid a gentle hand on Sakura’s arm to steady him. Enabler. He should knock the spoon out of his lover’s hand instead of helping him. It was too late though. No words were spoken as Sakura finished melting the heroin. He carefully filled the syringe and leveled the needle with his arm. Hyde winced as Sakura inserted the needle into a vein and injected the drug. The transformation was immediate. Sakura fell back against the pillows with a contented sigh, looking like he was in heaven. Hyde blinked back tears as he watched his lover disappear behind heroin again.
“I’m going to take a bath.” The bartender grabbed his pajamas and left. He locked himself in the bathroom and slumped against the door. He felt sick with shame and disgust. It would have taken another few days for the withdrawal symptoms to fade, but Sakura might have been able to hold out. Now they would never know.
Hyde sighed and went to the tub. He turned on the tap, testing the water to make sure it was hot enough. Once he was satisfied with the temperature, he stepped back and waited until the tub was full. Hyde then undressed and stepped into the water. He shut the tap off and sat down, making a pleased noise. The hot water felt amazing, but it had no effect on his emotional state.
The bartender sniffed as he remembered his promise. “I’ll be desperate for a hit, but you can’t let me leave the apartment. And don’t let me guilt you into buying heroin. I don’t care how desperate I am… you can’t do it. Even if I’m begging you.” He’d been insulted that Sakura thought he would enable him and promised not to give in, but had done it anyway. Hyde had to be stronger next time.
He pushed the thoughts out of his mind for now and concentrated on the bath. The hot water did help ease his tense muscles and troubled thoughts. Once the water started to get cold, he got out of the tub. Hyde dried off while the water drained, and then changed into a t-shirt and sweatpants. He didn’t bother with drying his hair and pulled a pack of cigarettes and his lighter out of his drawer. He was in desperate need of a cigarette. Hyde dragged a brush through his hair as he smoked then left the bathroom, heading to the kitchen. Once inside, he poured himself a glass of whiskey and slid down the fridge, tears in his eyes. Weak. So weak.
* * *
“Hyde? Where are you?”
The bartender sniffed and wiped the tears away. He’d gone through several cigarettes and switched to beer after his whiskey. He’d smoked and cried and drank until he felt like he was going to throw up. Now he was slumped against the fridge, hugging his legs to his chest and sniffling softly. Hyde tried to be quiet since he didn’t want to talk to his lover. He didn’t even feel like looking at him after what Sakura had made him do. The apartment wasn’t that big though, so Sakura found him all too soon.
“Oh, Hyde.” The taller man frowned at the sight of him. He sat down next to Hyde and wrapped his arm around his shoulders. Sakura’s eyes weren’t as vacant as before and he was obviously more like himself since he’d actually come looking for Hyde. Usually he didn’t care when he was high. How long had he been sitting here? It must have been longer than he thought… “Are you okay?”
Hyde laughed horribly. “You honestly think I’m okay?” He felt terrible. His emotions were in shreds and he’d drunk and smoked too much and too fast. His stomach felt like it was in knots.
“No,” Sakura sighed. “I’m sorry… for the things I said and what I made you do. I didn’t mean it. You know that, right?”
“People say the truth comes out when you’re angry.” Hyde looked down at his knees again, sniffing. He’d tried to be strong and snapped at his lover when he couldn’t handle the abuse anymore, but it hurt. Hearing the same insults over and over again made him question himself. Enabling Sakura made him feel even weaker too…
“Nothing I said was true,” Sakura said firmly. He pressed Hyde closer and kissed his forehead. “You should go to bed.”
The bartender shook his head. He didn’t want to get up… he was afraid he’d vomit if he did stand. “Not now.” He sighed and looked up at Sakura. “This is the first and last time I get heroin for you. I won’t do it again.”
Sakura stroked his hair. “I won’t ask you to.”
Hyde didn’t believe him. He’d ask again when he was desperate – but the bartender would be stronger next time. “Yacchan.” It might be too soon to ask this question, but he needed an answer. “I don’t want to pressure you… but are you going to try to quit again? I’m not asking for a date; I just need to know if you want to be clean someday.” Sakura’s answer would decide the future of their relationship.
The taller man sighed. “Yes. I don’t know when I’ll try again though. I need to mentally prepare myself for the next time.” He rubbed Hyde’s arm. “Quitting was so much harder than I’d expected.”
“I think every addict says that.” No one was ever truly prepared for how bad the withdrawals would be.
Sakura snorted. “Probably.” He slowly got to his feet. “Come on, Hyde. You really should go back to bed.” Then he hesitated. “Or… do you just not want to talk to me?”
“I want to be alone right now,” Hyde said quietly.
Sakura sighed. “All right. I’ll be in bed… come join me when you’re ready.” He stroked Hyde’s hair then left him alone with his thoughts.
Notes
1) This was another of my 'lazy' edits. I stressed myself out so much about this chapter that I read through it, fixed the worst parts, then posted it. I think I corrected three sentences? Chapter 5 and 6 will probably be the same but I promise future chapters will be up to my usual standards of editing.
2) My heroin knowledge comes from whatever websites I can find off of google so if my description of Sakura shooting up is horrible please tell me.
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no subject
Date: 2012-10-04 11:37 pm (UTC)Again, I liked this a whole lot. But I can't decently form a comment.
I haven't been sleeping well and again it's 1.37 am and I'm totally not tired, yet I can't seem to write anything decent. sorry for that.
-__-"
I can't wait for the next update(s) though. I always love your writing so yay! ^_^
no subject
Date: 2012-10-06 02:20 am (UTC)I'm glad you liked it :)
Oh okay. That's not good... hope you can sleep soon. Lol it's fine you at least commented.
I'll see how motivated I am for chapter 5. At least chapter 5 and 6 are the last ones I have to edit. I can write new stuff after that which will make updating a lot easier for me
no subject
Date: 2012-10-06 07:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-10 02:38 am (UTC)You'll have to wait and see~
no subject
Date: 2012-10-10 07:41 am (UTC)cross my fingers for you tests goes well ^^
no subject
Date: 2012-10-13 08:14 pm (UTC)Oral exam is done and that was... ok. Always know I could do better than what I did during the exam. Now written midterm and then freedom!
no subject
Date: 2012-10-13 09:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-10-14 03:59 pm (UTC)Exams are horrible in general and orals are the worst! Yeah, I always pass them and I'm just glad they're over now lol
no subject
Date: 2012-10-14 04:24 pm (UTC)I am also happy when I have gone through the exsams without problems ^^
I love your writings!
Date: 2012-10-10 02:36 am (UTC)This fic is so great! I don't know anything about people who's an addict and how they will react to the withdrawal but after reading this I kinda have the picture how it's like and it's so sad,isn't it? I can understand why Hyde eventually gave in to Sakura's demand. I really wanna give Hyde a hug and encourage him to not give up and give Sakura a slap! I love sakura and Hyde but Sakura needed a slap here,lol. He shouldn't do that to Hyde,but ofcourse it was not actually him talking. I hope Sakura will realize what trouble will happen after asking Hyde to buy him the drug,especially there's one drug dealer laying his eyes on pretty Hyde now.
I'm so excited to read the next chp. I hope you will post it soon ;)
Re: I love your writings!
Date: 2012-10-10 02:42 am (UTC)Thank you :) I don't know any addicts either and had to do a lot of research for this fic since I didn't know much about heroin. I figured my readers wouldn't know much either so try to include some information about heroin addiction so they can understand what Sakura's going through. It's pretty horrible. It is sad, and I can relate to Hyde. It'd be really hard to see the person you love suffering so much. Hyde does need a hug... and lol yeah Sakura needs that. He feels guilty about it later but he shouldn't have messed with heroin in the first place. Sakura realizes it but it's so hard for him to quit. Oh I know... creepy Shiro will be around to harass the pretty princess more often.
I'm really busy with school this week and next so I won't be able to start editing it until next week. It'll be out sometime this month though :)
Re: I love your writings!
Date: 2012-10-10 12:07 pm (UTC)You know,you're good in building the tension of this fic,driving me crazy at the end for wanting to read more :D
If only Sakura knew that Shiro is harassing Hyde... Despite that he's creepy but it just makes the story better. Somehow I like the idea of Hyde being harassed by someone. I'm sick,I know lol!
Re: I love your writings!
Date: 2012-10-13 08:07 pm (UTC)I'm glad to hear that XD Other muses are in charge right now though so no guarantees on when I'll start editing the next chapter.
He'll find out soon. I've started incorporating more creepy characters into my AU fics lol. As long as he has Sakura to save him later XD Oh I have Hyde harassed way worse in the story I last posted. Although Sakura is not his hero there
Re: I love your writings!
Date: 2012-10-14 08:36 am (UTC)Yes! Creepy characters in fics are awesome,lol!
Oh could you tell me which story with lots of Hyde-harassing you were talking about? XD
And good luck with school,by the way X)
Re: I love your writings!
Date: 2012-10-14 03:57 pm (UTC)It's kind of bad that I enjoy making/using them XD
Sure, I don't know if you'll read it though because it's a universe based on a crazy dream I had. It's under my "series:yakuza" tag and called Propositions. Basically I dreamt about Hyde and Asagi (vocalist of D. Very pretty/talented man) as friends in a yakuza style universe so I've been writing how they meet and how Hyde joins up with yakuza. Propositions is the second fic in the series and in that one Hyde has two creeps to deal with.
Thank you :)